8/4

When it is mend, I miss the breaking.

Goodbye, Ms Nadrah!

Last day of work last Friday and the kids gave me this.

I'm gonna miss the kids driving the adults crazy.

Yang pilu.

Taken by Agfa Supersolina, at Pulau Pangkor

Katakan,

aku ketandusan inspirasi.

Dengan kebisuan,

sunyi sepi.

Katakan,

aku hanyut.

Dengan kerenah kehidupan,

kau berpaut.

Katakan,

kelu lidah aku.

Dengan gelap gelita,

dan jalan berliku.

Katakan,

kerana seusia dulu,

inspirasi aku,

kamu.

Yang diam terpaku.

Bagai punggok rindukan bulan.

Hi, I've succumbed into Consumerism.

Taken at a friend's place in Cantebury, UK
by Agfa Supersolina, 36mm ISO 100.

And I miss the UK, so bad.

Hari Hujan.

Denial tentang kebosanan. Ego, kau tau?

Nak cakap bosan, tapi tak nak dan tak boleh nak cakap bosan. Kerana kebosanan itu adalah suatu keadaan untuk seorang yang tidak kreatif. Dan sebagai seorang yang kononnya sudah (penat) belajar tentang kreativiti dari segi psikoanalitik dan perkembangan kanak-kanak (dan manusia); seharusnya lebih bijak menangani dengan keadaan sebegini.

Sewaktu di bangku sekolah dahulu, aku sering merungut kebosanan. Dan aku juga sering kunci diri dalam bilik melayan kepala sendiri. Sekarang pun lebih sama, cuma bezanya, dulu lebih impulsif dengan buah pemikiran. Sekarang ni, buah pemikiran di atas buah pemikiran yang lain. Dua aras pemikiran yang berbeza. Mungkin juga lebih. Macam Inception.

Sekarang juga berbeza, sebab dah (kononnya) anak dara (tapi otak macam budak kecik lagi) - patut tolong di sekitar rumah.

Aku lebih rela berjelaga dengan teori-teori untuk penulisan akademik lah macam ni.

Mungkin patut habiskan buku-buku yang sudah bermastautin lama di rak-rak aku tu. (Dan serbu jualan murah Serigala di Serdang).

Dah, penat mengomel. Rajin kau melayan eh?

Pesta buku bulan lepas di Whistable Castle, Whistable, Kent.

Peralihan.

Sebab rindukan United Kingdom dan juga,
sebab masih malas untuk mulakan penulisan (kalau boleh menulis).

Summer '69, not.

Das Ich.

Essay writing.

And my little orange Recesky courtesy of cinta hati, all the way from home.

Hee, I love!

Represent!

Okay, saja. Tengah baca Freud, Narcissus dalaman jadi dominan kejap.

Apa-apa hal, Represent! RUN USJ all the way from England.

Tiba-tiba rajin update, senyap lah.

Cinta Hati.

I wouldn't want to do it any other way.

Tapi rindu.

Psyched, not baked.

Psyched and Baked or,

Baked and Psyched?

“They had forgotten the pudding they were cooking and it was getting burnt.” Freud, Studies on Hysteria.

Playing and Reality

A Day Like This

It's like wearing my
heart out,
when it's really
buried deep beneath.

Like being read like
a book,
just by listening.

Like an open surgery
of my very own Soul.

Without lifting a limb.

Without doing anything.

Why and how
is it that
you see what I see?

Just because it's a really, really good day. Alhamdulillah.

When do you feel most alive? (Redundant)

Passion gives me moments of wholeness

Anaïs Nin

"When do you feel most alive?", I asked a good friend of mine just 5 days before the new year. There isn't any rationale behind my question, of course. Just the state of feeling as a part of the whole; a tiny node of the complex ecology. And out of curiosity of the other individual's internalisation.

But mostly because, there are times when I get the feeling of emptiness. You know, the feeling where you feel you're really just drifting through time and getting caged up inside your head?

There are also, moments when I feel fulfilled and alive. It is when I'm reading concepts, ideas and interventions on solipsism with a particular playlist on my iPod driven by that particular muse. Or when I walk in the halls of the local psychiatric ward last Monday for an interview.

And I didn't know what it was until yesterday...

Passion, that's all it takes.

Going Places: Something To Tell You (2)

By VQ1015 Classic

By Canon (I dunno what model).

Oxfordshire, United Kingdom.

Snow Day/London Calling.

School was out. We had snow day.

Autumn in London. Because London is London,

and I miss the city.

And I have lost my words.

Going Places: Something To Tell You (1)

Nottingham Games Malaysia @ Nottingham University &

Nottingham City.

03/11

Meet me in the gardens of my unconscious.
There, an eternal flame.

Still Life

One Day Like This.

The covered women and a pinch of Feminism.

Again, I'm assured that all of these were orderly planned by the Divine One. Alhamdulillah.