Saturday, February 28, 2009

Use Somebody

Who wakes up early (and by this I mean at 5 a.m. to 6 a.m.) on a Saturday morning? A handful from my friends list I suppose. Even if they are awake, they were probably partying/socializing last night.

Being the nice sister, I dropped Adik at school for Merentas Desa. Okay actually, am only nice when I need to use the car. So I just had to drop him first because I wanted to meet my kawan for breakfast, at 7.30 a.m.

And I think you should try driving in the morning slowly. Wind the windows down, and on your playlist at a satisfactory volume. In this case, Band of Horses.

My kawan and I hardly meet up due to our respective packed schedules. You know, college workloads and shits. So the nature of the relationship is that mild adequate one. Besides, we see each other every single week day out of Sekolah Menengah lives. So you know, probably once every two weeks.

We hardly talk on the phone, or even SMS. Only on occasions. So I guess it's pretty much an independent nature. Nothing too clingy.

We talk of stuff that we reflect much throughout our daily lives. Talk of her aspect of perceptions, and mine. And somehow, in every intense conversations, Holocaust came into topic. Movies that are related to the Holocaust, books etc. (Bukan Valkyrie je okay)

And we talk of relationships, and commitments. Of how probably it might just be a 'conditioned' way of life. You know that 'conditioned' way to find happiness. Infant, child, teen, adult, marriage, kids etc.

Is that the only way to find happiness? Or, find your true self? Or, to fulfill the conditioned norm? Or, simply to reproduce to preserve the traits? Or maybe you're just selfish? Entah.

And how we need to see the world, see other cultures. But then reason out that probably if you stay long in one culture, you assimilate to it.

And wonder maybe that is why there are people who move from one place to another. To not assimilate to one. To not be too comfortable. Pick up bits and pieces of life from here and there. You know?

And the dreams that we attached at the back of our minds, and how we're working towards them.

How one medium can be seen in different perceptions. From her eyes, and from mine. How the movie revolved from Iran, to Germany etc. How the timeline influenced how we dress, we think, we perceive.

And it's not the kind where you dictate the person's perception, trying to change the way he/she thinks. No, nothing like that at all. It's the neutral nature where you listen, you speak, and you reflect back. It's nothing too emotionally intense. Just that mild adequate nature.

Then it occur to me; the answer is Complementary.

Someone who speak of similar grounds, but complements through the different perceptions.One who gets me inspired, because I am easily inspired. I am dreamy, eh salah, I am a fucking dreamer.

"Someone like you, and all you know, and how you speak.  I hope, it's gonna make you notice, someone like me" Use Somebody, KoL.

Didn't I try to tell you that you're somewhat like that intrinsic motive? Because I'm half as brilliant as you are.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

3-4 tahun yang lampau,

Dengan semangat nak menunjuk kepada adik prestasi di sekolah aku back when I was his age (14), aku cari balik kad laporan di rak-rak buku.

Aku belek-belek mukasurat, mencari Tingkatan 2A. Saja nak menunjuk kat dia, matematik aku terer dulu. Tapi Agama, Geografi dan Bahasa Malaysia - dia menang ah.

Lepas moment kebangaan aku, aku dah malas. Kembali ke gua menelaah. Tetapi, dia muncul kembali dengan Buku Laporan berwarna biru di tangannya.

Dia telah advance ke 2005. I'm dead.

"Ujian Bulanan Ogos 2005" (Tingkatan 4B)

BM 8E, BI 3B, Pendidikan Islam 9G, Sejarah 4B, Matematik 3B, Matematik Tambahan 9G, Fizik 9G, Kimia 9G, Biologi 9G.

Wtf, trust me, I have never gotten so many Fails (and red pen) in my life. SPM okay je. Tapi I am not your 12 A1s' girl lah. 

RINDU SEKOLAH. I'm in my third year degree life, I still feel like a kid.

Monday, February 23, 2009

1995.

Orang selalu minta dipanjangkan umur. Tapi, kalau umur sudah dilanjutkan, the life within isn't all that bright, macam mana?

It has been 14 years. And at times like these, I'm not a soldier.

Matters that are on hold.

You know what I envy about others? Is that they are so fucking sure of what they want. They are not indecisive like I am. They are sure of what they want. Or so they seem to appear.

You know, answering questions objectively. Like me, I'd always answer, "depends on what aspect you're looking for" or, "depends" or, "see lah".

So yes, I am fucking envious of people who can make their decisions objectively. You know, the direct, "Yes" or "No".

But with me, it's a totally different story. And so, I put things on hold. After all, it's bliss - all these silence. 

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Destinasiku.

Emotionally involved.

You asked me, what about it. You know, things just don't happen for several reasons and you just let the reasons reason you out. No, not really.

Communication, has its flaws. Words are just words. So we reassure ourselves. Have a little faith, built into something that can't really be proven due its abstract entity.

And so we live. Probably living the superficial even. We reassure ourselves again. But this is it. We live. Live in align with the time for once. Not a little too fast than the second - plotting the future. Not a little too slow - dwelling in ancient history. This is it. We are at the same speed with time.

But the flaws catch up just in time. Words, are ambiguous. The last perceptions and interpretations, are based on the receivers.

I'm just not much of a big fan for it now. Destinasiku, so its mine. Solely.