Of coffee craze with Mr S.

To the missing thoughts ;

23rd January 2007.

Spent the night before at the white place, don't ask me why I think it as the white place - though it sounds like mental institution, but its not. More like it, a house of on-calls family men. Where they leave their wives and kids back home to rush for emergency calls. This is where they go, their work place. Their passion. Anyway, yah i spent the night at the hospital. Why you might ask? Just to company my dearest mother. I guess its time to pay what she did 4 years ago, well not exactly, 3 years or so. Same floor, same ward, same building. Its almost like deja vu. Anyway, it was freezing cold, I swear I could hear myself weezing to bed in the morning. The night wasn't that bad, watched desperate housewives on my trusty lappie, while mama watched the TV. The night before the 23rd, I walked down to the shop houses when mama was asleep, trying to push her pain aside. I went to the famous convenient store, 7e. Bought snickers - I've been craving for snicker for days. And my fabulous life line that costs, 10rm.

So I was walking back to the hospital right, then I saw this lady, around thirty-ish and she was wearing a white sleveless top, and shorts I guess? Couldn't remember. But what I remembered was, her exhausted face, almost not friendly, just ready to chew your head off even if you've smiled her way. So my first impression of her was a strict, exhausted mother. As she was carrying her kid, I would say around 4 or 5. My impression of her still didn't not change direction, until, she pecked her son on the cheek. I swear I could fall on my knees. It was touching. From what perspective you may ask? Well, firstly, my impression of her was the total opposite. And despite her exhaustion, which I can tell from her eyes and face, she was still able to carry her kid, and even show love with a slight peck on the cheek. Then the kid started saying something; and she laughed. She laughed. Please don't ask me why, but to me, it was a scene worth recording. There's just so much love in the mother, a strong bond. Its good to know. Despite her exhaustion, she was still able to maintain her level of tiredness, and still able to play and talk to her kid politely. As all of us are aware, we tend to lose our temper, and burst into flames when we're exhausted. Even to the people we love, our kids, parents, friends and the list goes on and on. I guess that's the reason why, I think its a scene worth recording.

From that, my mind traveled me to the poem ; " A Figure Not To Be Forgotten " where we all had to recite it by heart over and over for SPM. Good poem. Much thought to be given to what it has said to the world. Oh and of course, driven by the news in the newspapers where they've been publishing several cuts on the Red Street. Prostitution. Have you given much thought to this? Certainly not. You would condemn the prostitutes, saying they have a level of moral values as low as the drainage system in Johor. But have you given a thought; that maybe, just maybe, they are just trying to live a better life? Please don't get me wrong, I'm just stating what I think, and don't go around thinking that I'm ok with this whole situation. Its just a thought. Anyways; maybe some are forced to, just like most cases of Ah-Longs, maybe some just needed the money to nourish good poor souls of their kids? Maybe some are simply driven by their materialistic minds - easy way to get easy money ; lay, spread and boom; cash! You should watch Oprah Winfrey Show or even Gubra, several hidden messages between the story line. Better yet, you read the poem. Tell me do you think about it.

24th January 2007

Talk talk talk. Thats what I do eh? When I'm hyper and when I'm not in my angry nerd mood.
And guess what? It creeps up people's spines. It was ok to do that back in school, but now, life is at its changing gears, like my other posts, " I HAVE TO GROW UP ". Not in that childish sense, from the aspect that, I've to learn, when to know when to shut it, and when to really speak. When to start asking question when someone's in the middle of an explanation.

" You got to learn how to hold your horses, you're full of excitement, but you got to learn, or else it will get you into trouble one day, are you always like this? "

" Its worse back at high school. "

Thats when I realise, even though she was in her joking manner, but she meant it. Then, I answered less questions. Seems that I've been answering most of the questions in class. Then I really shut it. Then Ms. Evelina was trying to pujuk me i think, she asked me questions so that I answer them. Maybe she thinks I was bothered by her words, truth is, I was thinking about it. It was true, I reckon. Partially. Well, yeah. I was trying to think of a possible trouble my stupid huge blabber mouth will get me into. I came up with - ZERO. Then I came to conclusion; I should learn my lesson. And from now, I got to think before I speak. Well, in moderate amount.
Thats when we got into the "a period of loneliness is a good way to mold yourself " line. Good food for your thought. When you're alone, you tend to think. You tend to observe, you tend to realize. More or less, you would build a better you. But then again, its never enough. The way to the top seems never ending. Specially in dealing with God. Nothing seems adequate.

These all lead to ; how people present themselves in the crowd.

You know when they say that you don't judge people from what they wear. Well guess, what? We do, we do, we do! No matter how hard you try to push that away, the stereotype is still there plastered at the back of your mind. For example, when you dress in jeans, a printed t, and converse, poom - you listen to good stuff. When you're in a short skirt, pretty pair of flats, tight top, with beaded necklace and a super hairdo and make up on you - you spend cash like water in Topshop, Ben Sherman, Miss Selfridge etc etc. Or maybe simply in jeans, a backpack, a loose t, hair tied in a so called bun with a headband on you - you study 24/7. Well guess what? I'm a little bit of everything, so what're they impression on me? A super messed up kid who has a screwed up personality and who eats lunch alone at the cafeteria with my hands and not fork and spoon and does nothing but stare at her cell laughing with her left hand, and her right hand buried in rice and her eyes wandering around the open area staring observing people? Flash news kid : I love being that. And when you look around, and wonder what kind of people they are, which group do they belong to, you will get a rough idea. You assumed they are what you think. But when you read their diaries, when you study their movements and speeches, they don't appear how they exactly how you pictured them. And guess where it drove me? To my friends and family. I'm really thankful of them. Thank God I found them. Thank God I spent my days with them. More or less, bits and pieces, they've together helped me in building where I am. Well, strong from the influences of the big bad world. And insyaAllah, with Allah's will, would remain at this phase, and build a better me, and not divert track. So people, thank you very much. =)

Have you make a stranger smile today?