Malaya oh Malaya ;

I'm bloody motivated ; highly. In what? To put myself more into the not so visible path of indie films. Hooray Malaya Genius!

8th of March ; I tell you, I'd be first in line - just like the 6th of April 2006.

So someone showed me a blog page of a random writer from Malaysia, well, Subang to be precise. Ah yes; home sweet home. I guess the blog page kept me running as well, you know, with all the bloody incredible Bahasa and English. Wow. Gotta beat that. You know when you just have to draw a line between competitions to make yourself better. Call me someone who can't accept others' better abilities; but hey, it does good to oneself. Trust me. You just have to restrict yourself to be a bloody snob - "Ms. Know It All". I mean don't get me wrong, sometimes its just for the best; you tend to push yourself harder to be better. Sadly; the world doesn't seem to see eye to eye with the handful. Sigh. I guess this is it; a potpuri of people. You can differ people. And that various kinds, make life wonderful. Believe it or not. Its like I'm trying my best to be the continuous writer (on the blog) and not have writer's block. Brainstorm brainstorm. If you have a writer's block, I guess you're just not a good writer just yet. That's when you get to pick which path ; leave or stay?

I think roughly ; I know how this whole thing works, you know; the system.

When you try so bloody hard to put yourself in the world. To be noticed. All geared up with your oh-so-pretty outfit, all psyched up and bubbly enthusiasm. But there was just something missing, yourself. Have you ever wondered about peoples' lives when you looked at them at the street randomly? And have you ever wondered that how many out there who actually found themselves? You know, the whole mirror and you thing. The whole, am I doing this thing right? Am I doing this for myself or because someone else asked me too? Did I choose the right color because I'm influenced by my best friend? Or am I dressing the way I want to or because they think that this is decent? Or hey; lets listen to Brit Pop and all the good stuff because it seems that it'll be in season soon? Questions questions questions. And none of them have been answered. At least at a satisfaction rate. From what I see; nothing is original anymore. Seems like the whole world is "cetak rompak-ing" the originals. Like buying a RM 8 dvd in Summit, USJ and not a RM90++ ( Is this the price? Roughly? Ok nampak sangat lah aku tak beli DVD ori) dvd in VideoEzy, Taipan. And the typical mentality of Malaysians, or maybe the world; Why waste a hundred bucks for a copy, when you can get near 10 copies for pirated ones? Like in microeconomics; Maximum Utility.

Now don't go around telling me you never thought of it.

Nothing is fresh I tell you. But then again; at some levels, it is for the better. You know, when you learn from your mistakes, and try to make a fresher start? Like washing your sins, but it never actually went away but you moved forward anyway. Like inventing aircrafts. From one to another. And "*Pooff* it became AirBus." (Line edited from KoKo Krunch ad.) Like copying a friend, but make a better version? Bad idea. All I'm trying to say is that; when you really look into this whole "Who am I?" issue, you will get lost and tend to draw far from the surface. Brilliant. You have a mind of an incredible alert conscience when you do so. And I'm having troubles discovering my true inner self. Maybe I overlooked in this, maybe I've found me but I'm just not aware of this. Or maybe, secretly deep deep inside, there's an unleashed monster, biting you from the inside telling you; you're just another fake being. Voila. Bloody the state of self confusion.

I wish I have better writing skills.
The faint smell I've lost somehow appeared again.
I'm too caught up between these lines; I have a bloody test.

So run for me love.