Boxed.

Bundled up all these old, mundane things to a new found novelty, well sort of.

You can continue reading, if you may here.

Although I must warn that I have been a little well, rusty.

Be merry.

Mein kampf und Neuheiten

Mungkin begini lumrah menjangkau usia yang selanjutnya. Konsep kehidupan yang basi akan rutin harian, dan on repeat. Yang menyerapkan inti-inti kebosanan dalam diri kita. Membuat kita mula menyoal akan pembaharuan, akan the other greener side. Dan yang paling kritikal, menyoal akan the self.

Mungkin kita tidak bersendirian di dalam perjuangan-perjuangan yang memakan diri kita secara fizikal mahupun abstrak. Tetapi kita bersendirian melayani kerenah dan intipati yang kompleks di dalam kepala otak masing-masing kerana manusia berbeza. The f differences that differ us all.

Dari mana datangnya keyakinan terhadap the self dalam seseorang?

Pengajaran yang tersirat tentu diselitkan di antara rutin-rutin harian yang mula membasi. Namun cabaran untuk menghadapi rutin-rutin harian dipenuhi dengan perasaan cinta dan benci. The classic love-hate relationship. Inti kehidupan yang tidak berjawapan, the source of your drive and motivation is the very source to suck you dry.

Punca motivasi seseorang tidak mempunyai batasan atau had penghadang. Punca-punca motivasi ini terdiri daripada punca fizikal, abstrak ataupun kedua-duanya. You know, the whole essences like love and sorts or physical ones.

Dan kita mulai bergantung erat akan punca-punca motivasi (dan demotivasi) sampai ke tahap kita sandar dan menjadi dependent akan punca-punca ini. Membolehkan sumber-sumber ini bercampur aduk dengan identiti kita yang berbilang.

You are apart of me, hence you have a piece of me. 

Dan apabila hubungan klasik di dominasi oleh aspek benci, dan memanipulasi aspek cinta kemungkinan untuk kehilangan the ideal self meningkat. Penglihatan kita kabur. 

And that is when Novelties would save your conscience. Persekitaran yang asing membuka aspek yang baru kepada kita tidak kira bagaimana sikit atau banyaknya unsur asing tersebut. Memberi faktor-faktor baru untuk dipertimbangkan. Memberi pengertian kepada rutin harian. 

Memberi pengajaran tentang the self. 

Ahora.

Do you feel like you are alive at this very moment?

Kalau saya nak lari.

Maybe I should change to a new blog. What do you think?

Sort of like a new race, only not entirely new. But it somehow contradicts the whole principle you know?

But look at the blog's address. I think tis' a sign of aging.

The beautiful living thing.

I am in love. Only it is non-living- if its based on the biological definition. As for me, it is pretty much alive. Maybe even immortal at least for as long as the world still orbits around the suria and the universe is still left unexplored entirely. Dynamic entity.

I think I'm in love. With a living thing, a beautiful one. Unrequited even.

ASK my tiny friend.

Saya rindu Bebe!

A hold of the heart.

Kalau aku adalah aku, engkau sememangnya engkau. Kalau aku adalah engkau, engkau mungkin aku.

Kalau kita adalah kita, aku adalah aku dan engkau adalah engkau. Kalau aku dan engkau adalah kita, we are both mutable and adaptable maybe even compatible.

Tetapi dengan syarat, engkau tahu bahawa engkau adalah engkau.

"In my heart you grow,"

Tiny gestures spread like wildfire 
in the self.

I now know in definite,
have you?

How much longer, sir?

For outputs, there must be inputs. For inputs, there shall be indulgence. Perhaps a long, intense embrace. Also, there shall not be ignorance. 

Or yourself fighting against yourself. Have you not heard?

One's greatest enemy, is oneself. Maybe in any forms at all. Egocentrism, and all that. Those little substances that had built you along your "journey". For the destination doesn't matter as much as the journey(ies). 

For outputs, one shall embrace inputs. To embrace inputs, one shall seek light in search of inputs. Could be in any forms at all. Could even be your greatest enemies - happiness, dreams, egocentrism, loneliness, irrationality etc.

Could one be so afraid of being happy? That when happiness comes flooding, peace assimilate to your mind and soul; your enemy questions of the rush of happiness. 

As if such state of bliss is mere illusion, metaphysical states that when materialized, you're too afraid to embrace. 

A fucking phantasmagoria. Fantasies materialized? It is as if having little fairies flying into your bedroom window, and you flying into Neverland.

The so called "ultimate output". The never-ending search for a state of bliss. Peace. At ease.

But to embrace inputs, we are ought to have doubt. Like the mad (somewhat genius) writer embracing love, and self-reflecting. The drunk poet embracing loneliness in the streets of Frankfurt. The pseudo-soulmate in our heads that facilitate our lives.

Embrace this, like how I embrace this sudden rush of emotions. Embrace this, like how you'd embrace your sudden rush of emotions. 

Embrace this, like you know that you are being embraced by yours truly, metaphorically.


I wonder; how much longer, sir?

Lanjutnya Malam,

Nyanyian mereka bernadakan angan-angan,
Tentang inti lamunan yang melimpah-limpah.

Ke awangan, untuk mengopek cebisan awan.

Nyanyian mereka, ku dengari seharian;
tentang inti lamunan,
yang sebenarnya kosong apabila direalisasikan.

Kosong, seperti yang pernah aku katakan.

Persis, tetapi memakan dalaman.

Hm. 

Where I've really been. Or where I still am?

Definite, indefinite. Apparently we are all here indefinite of the things in lives. Walking, jogging, maybe running towards the something(s) that would clarify the definites. Almost absolute definites.

I am tired of this cognitive war.

Tired, of mentally walking and running from the things that scare me. Tired, of mentally walking and running towards the things that facilitate life. Tired, of abstractly chasing the possible selves; the ideal self.

Indefinite of what we are supposed to learn from these phases. On how we're supposed to juggle these shitty colorful, plastic balls. On how we are to manage the entire system and plan the plans ideally.

On the real meanings on what this entire thing is really about.

Indefinite of the definites. Definite of the indefinites.


Boleh jadi gila, tau tak?