Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Weekends on weekdays.

Leaving, be good kids.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Masuk, keluar. Input, output. Minda. Mind.

Have you ever wondered what reviews do to yourself other than telling/educating/informing you on a certain something?

If you ask me, the one doing the review should not on any basis be bias, not reviewing based on personal tastes, factors, drives and everything that ignites and affects one's affections. In other words, be on the fence. I know it is utterly impossible to be absolutely in between, but at least there's and initiative to do so.

Reviews could be so personally biased and one-sided. But yet, people put trust on reviews - like books, food, movies, plays, music and such on the formal side. Informally however, is by the word of mouth.

First and foremost, reviews put a certain template in your mind, on your perceptions towards things. Its like saying A should have three lines in it, you see, one slanting to the left, the other to the right, and the third line in between the legs. Its like, molding your mind into "trying" to believe something. It has already created a certain early impression on what you're supposed to expect from it, and at the end of the day, the judgment is all yours.

Mostly would agree to the reviews. Conforming to the majority voice. If you're from a collectivist country, it's nature that you're afraid to disagree, it's written in your traits, or rather, norms.

If you're a Malaysian that is caught between America's individualists notion and China's collectivist idea, then, you are simply caught in between, you have to think and re-think and re-think. You'd say the society would want you to follow the norm, take Yasmin Ahmad's movies. Some are just afraid to voice out, because it goes against the bloody norm. Like that Imam touching that dog in Gubra. Some just think its ridiculous because its the norm.

The other side to it is that they stand out from the crowd. They hold on to their beliefs and fight with and for it. After all, fighting for your self is the most noble thing in the individualism beliefs.

But some would just think its selfish.

Anyway, the idea is that are these reviews really worth believing and on any basis do they actually serve well to one's mind?

Like I said, it creates a certain template, a certain blueprint onto making you believe what has been written in the review. But of course, it all falls back to yourself - to conform or not. Its all based on your judgments.

Because reviews could be so bias as I mentioned earlier, the writer could be reviewing solely based on their personal biases - emotionally, mentally, spiritually, religiously. Then again, if they were to write driven by their personal biases, they are not professional enough. They do not know how to decipher work and personal life.

Come to think again, you can't really be in an absolute state of self, mind and whatever that comes in between because we humans have been receiving inputs, drives, ignitions since day one. Take religions, norms, culture, educations, politics and all. They are all root down to your surrounding, your society.

Right where you are standing now, don't tell me you did it all on your own because we can never be absolute on something. We can never truly be absolute in perceptions as they are all based on every, and I mean it, EVERY single thing in your entire life. Even in milliseconds, even if that means its the size of a bloody molecule.

The next time you hear a review on the radio, or read a review; remember, do you want to start believing (and conforming) what the person has to say on that something? Or do you want to make sure that what the person has said is actually true? You see, the latter even suggested that the reviews had created a blueprint in your mind.

What? I was driving home and I heard a review on Wasabi Prawns on the radio. I could not think of the food, but instead, I was wondering whether I should believe him or not because he was trying so hard to persuade people its good, in fact, "the tastiest fluffy thing.. you'd be sure to order another platter."


Monday, July 28, 2008

The Arcade Fire, dan malam bersama buku.

"As they said goodbye, Benjamin looked out of the window again, nor meaning to be rude, but wanting to avoid Claire's eyes; he knew that when she said goodbye he would find a challenge there, that she would try to force some kind of response, just as she had been trying to do ever since he had first taken notice of her, at this same bus stop, three long years ago. Since then he had probably been the last person, out of all his friends, to recognize the obvious fact that she nursed a passion for him, an inexplicable crush which he had done nothing to encourage. It had become a source of monstrous embarrassment between them. Even Claire, at some level, seemed to hate herself for it; but there it was. Apparently these things couldn't be reasoned away."

Coe, Jonathan. The Rotters' Club. (2001). England: Penguin.

Currently the book I'm distracting myself with from life. Says much doesn't it Pink Nerd? Well, just a theory. Find it funny as hell though.


You tell me how did your life start?

Yes, maybe from that moment you came out of that little womb. Throughout your kindergarten, primary and then secondary years. Then comes Diploma, Degree, Masters or maybe PhD. The work, marriage which comes in between your tertiary studies. Have you ever felt that you're always chasing something in life, when really, you know that's that.

You see, in my mind it works this way; kindergarten yes, you pass it to get into primary, and you pass primary to get to secondary and then secondary to tertiary. Tertiary for a secured job and payroll and love which comes in between to fulfill your whole lust, emotional support; basically your entire system. Once married, what's next? Kids. Okay when you've kids, what's next? Religious goals? Toil towards the main purpose in life, to get into Heaven, and if it's possible, make it the seventh level please.

But really, put religion aside. What really is your point in life? To get rich and build this huge house of your own, and have a happy family. Right, let me tell you, adults just have this constant sexual lust when they are married. I know not all, but they just have to have other sexual partners. Quickie at the pantry with the secretary? Or just mere flings.

You'd say nobody's perfect yes, and in fact, when you see a wholly perfect, flawless family you'd just say its fake. Straight out from a bloody detergent commercial. But when you see a broken home, really, you'd just say that's life and start blaming the parents for their miserable kids.

So much for a happy family then.

You just keep moving forward to achieve that long term goals and then what's next? You just keep bloody running and chasing for the future and run and run and run and run.. it never stops.

Yes you do go phases in life and you grow from it. Divide your life into portions where significant events happen that have strong impacts in your life. Mine was at the age of 6, 10, 15, and it grows from there. Well I think I grow throughout then. But really, it's so fucking tiring that I feel I'm always chasing something that is never ending.

Hence, I'm running in the race. What race? Mana ah aku tau.


People come and go as they say. You try to make amends, meet up for a little chat with a cup of coffee or what not. But like I said and predicted and figured, it would never be the same. Maybe it's the forces of nature, the gravity and the order of things. And God, you need to help me.

Changes change people, change the order of life, change the mind.. and the list goes on. Basically, you're a different person. Even it means it has only been a year.

I met an old friend today after a year of distance and failed attempts of meeting up. Thats because I kept bailing out because I know it would just make me feel miserable and, MY GOD HELL YES I WAS. But you know, you swallow. Well, so I did, I swallowed.

As much as I tried to swallow, but you know, you can't just swallow up that much. It eats myself up. No worse, it eats my fucking self-concept and my fucking social identity up. I wake up every morning wishing I would never have to end up with this little world of theirs and hating myself for I have ate my self.

You see, I'm not whining because of how and who they are. I couldn't care less for all I care because its just how the world works, there are cliques. Its what they're doing to my Self. I'm sorry but I put great importance on the Self. Its fucking sacred. Fuck yes. And my god I'm cursing.

I'm miserable.

You can have your short term goals like graduating your tertiary studies and your long term goals like getting married at some fancy hotel. But your life goal? No its much more than your short and long term goals. It's to Complete your Self like that missing piece of your life puzzle and mind you, it's not your average "You complete me" towards your partner kinda thing.

So hooray, Jane ate herself up on the inside with the presence of these certain persons. Really amazing that you have developed your Self and Identity to the point where those people you just stumbled upon years back are the very people you want to avoid for they have found their selves which clearly contradict to your Self. So run along. I may sound selfish, but hey, you made me eat myself up from the inside.

Time alone, all I need is time alone for obvious reasons.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Chasing People,

No no, not in a stalkerish manner. In a proper manner of course.

I was well, going through pictures of my friends with the boyfriends. The boyfriends and the girlfriends. The one having another crush on the other person. Ehem. And simply, the people around you, your friends and your family - reference group.

At first glance of course you wouldn't see what's in it for these two people. How can their worlds collide? On what gravity and force did they become united? Take the perspective of love. Yes I know, I have done the whole case study on mating preferences and the whole Darwin theory of reproduction, and no aku tak puas hati dengan the finding.

Think of it. Well its undeniable that there are many approaches to this subject, physical entity, rationale, spiritual, and the whole majesty abstract "it's destined" bull but yeah, this is from my perspective of course, bare in mind.

If you're with someone, on what basis are you with that particular someone?

I mean, is that person similar to you? Because from what I've read over and over again, similarity is the key of an interpersonal relationship.

But then again, what exactly is the definition of similarity? Like many things, there are many different approaches and degrees in a matter. Likewise, which degree do you want to perceive your relationship? Or rather, at what degree would it be appropriate to perceive the similarity in the relationship?

Physical, abstract. Body, mind. Mind, soul.

The physical approach alone has so many classifications. Its the order in life whether you like it or not, people perceive things in classes, that's what make things easy to remember. So anyway, physical similarities, it could be your height, skin color, appearances - whether you follow the latest trends or dyed hair or accessories or tattoos and such.

Abstract however, it goes to a different perspective. From your mere views on why Biology and not Chemistry or why Add Maths and not Modern Maths. You know the whole philosophy of life and your arguments on that Ultimate Being above there, whether He exists or otherwise. Or your present and future goals in life.

Really, when you are with someone, what do you see in your partner? Don't tell me they're just mere sparks because really, it just doesn't make sense for these single eyes.

I mean, on what criteria, basis, notion do you want to be with someone? Even friends. On what basis do you people grow fonder?

I have talked about self-concept, how you perceive yourself. Basically these mere self perceptions have the drive on how you perceive others and your interpersonal relationships. After all, "Esse est percipi".

If you perceive yourself as A, would your perception towards your partner be the same A on this specific issue. You know, you share common and mutual understandings on the philosophy of life and all - traditional primary relationship. Your other half.

Or would you respect your partner's philosophical views on life, and maintain your philosophical views. Grow from it, discuss about it. Sure you guys would lead to heated conversations, but you know, you learn from that, you argue but its constructive - independent primary relationship. Your significant other.

Bebe (Kido) because we see things eye to eye, not everything but important ones - the little sister I never had. I have LipGloss, what made us close? The verge of stepping into the teenage world, being 13? I have Paperbag, well that's cause we have our occasional life talks. Flabs, because they're crazy bunch of kids in college.

Pinknerd? Because she stole my identity, lol.

So my dears, how do you perceive your interpersonal relationships, be it your parents, your friends or your partner? Tell me how did your two worlds collide? Which force brought you two connected?

Did destiny or life itself brought you two on the same track? Or was it the body or the mind force?

At the end of the day, its chasing a person when the two are not even walking. Should I start with a "Hello Mr.Yellow"?

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Because "8" could not be such an Ong number after all,

Yes yes, pardon me on my sudden urges on Politics. Did I tell you its far more addictive than E! gossips? Ah, and did I tell you I just realized everybody wants to have a say in this whole scandalous drama, and me included of course. Yeah I know, over-rated and what not, and hahahahahahaaha. Tak apa lah, saya tak ada benda lain nak buat anyway.You just need to feed on your political updates, well Malaysia's that is. Do you know that I feel like I'm watching some soap opera on TV? Well that's just how good it is. I don't mind reading lines religiously at these contradictory perceptions on the stage play. I must say, these certain individuals who are vividly or "vaguely" involved in this play ah, they could do a recital play during their retirement. But then again, what is the retirement age for politicians? When they burst to the Party they belong to that is is time to step down, and all other party members allegedly walk to the podium, to reassure your statement? Ah, they never sleep nor retire these politicians, well, actors. Ehem.

What differentiates 1998 and 2008 is that, well I was nine back then, but I'm nineteen this year. Two more ripe years and InysaAllah I'd be able to vote.

But really, its not that different after all with these Siapa sodok bontot dia issues? Oi, aku dah 10 tahun more matured, you people tak mature-mature lagi since a decade ago? Or did your "wise beyond your years" gone "too wise"?


So now the question is, RPK's latest claims or well, "Najib for PM in 2010!"?

Ah, maybe "8" could not be an Ong number for the de facto leader, but it is one hell of an "ong" number for the people yang dapat "duit kopi" to the point you can not only feed on kopi, but also you can buy a bloody Marc Jacobs bag (Because LV is getting overrated, and Chanel is just too elegant for me).

Oh can I be yellow with you too?

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Malaya lagi,

They take too much pride in their heritage, their genes. When really, they should know that their people are screwed up from the root. The economy is not well, blame it on our diversity? No, blame it on the people. Not the diversity. Don't segregate our differences in religion, in our cultural norms, our race. Malaysia is bangsa Malaysia. It is nor Cina, Melayu, India, lain-lain.. Bumiputera. No, it is Bangsa Malaysia. We are one. One is us.

Banyak possibilities the economy is not well. You blame it on the leaders? Point your fingers? When really did you look at yourself? Did you contribute much to your society? I doubt that, you still litter, you still loiter, you still.. buy Pirated DVDs.

You selfish people. Blame the economy on the leaders when really, you didn't even play your part well.

Blame the Chinese for their advanced economy than the Malay? No, you take look at our young Malays, they have their bumiputera privileges. Yes. They have their PTPTN money, where does the money go?


Now go get yourself a drink and go to sleep, politics is just screwed up. Remind me that I should not in any way be involved in politics, when I'm really nearly this close to get a borang for the Puteri UMNO.

It goes against my principle in life. We live in a beautiful world, when equality is good and competition makes people work harder, not privileges. Where diversity of beliefs make us gain more respect and more pride for ourselves because at the end of the day, we accept them for who they are, for what they believe in. And we pat ourselves at the back, because we can live together in harmony, as one.

Weh, this is definitely a post driven by emotion. Besok finals!! *shrieks*

Because Internet is made for so MUCH more.

Okay read this post, it cracks me up! Hell yeah it does. Oh and warning, please be aware that it might offend certain parties. So read at own risk. Cheers.


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I look good.

So, I really hate those blogs where people just post pictures of themselves. Because no matter how they try to spin it, you just know the underlying message is, "I'm hot."

Okay, that said, there are times when you really do look hot, and you want to post a picture of yourself just in case a creepy ex stops by your blog (you know who you are!).

And I just got a new outfit that I really want to show off.

I just look so good in it!



Friday, July 18, 2008

Belajar Jane, belajar.

My cousin sister got her second child, Alhamdulillah, my little witty baby, has a newborn brother!
Okay, aunty dah tak bangga, mama dia cakap nama dia Ahmad Irfan je for now. Sigh. tak apa i can always use Danish for my son. (Ehem).

But wait, not just yet, my other cousin,who is apparently drunk due to love issues, just called me - yeah when she's drunk. And she's all crazy and laughing and whining like shit.

Sigh. Do I or do I not thank everyone that has been so closed to me for not pulling me into "that" direction? Of course I do silly.

George Berkeley, saya lapar, you feed my mind!

Whatever, I need to write and finish up another 2 more topics? Sigh.

So I found out what did I want to blabber about, believes and determinations. Thanks to my dear fat Po, the Panda. (Watch Kung Fu Panda, very comel!)

You see, I had an obsession over the word determination back when I was 9. Because of my poor vocabulary ever since I was a kid, I was wondering what the hell does this determination really mean. I checked my trusty dictionary, well it didn't really help me that much because the words.. well lets just say I had to interpret every single of it. What? I was 9!

And asking mama was just out of the question, "Kamus ada, guna lah!" Right. Anyway, why the hell did I want to know the meaning so much? Because it was written in the meaning of my name, a nice interpretation of my name given by my aunt. No, not narcissistic, just wanting to know more about me.

Roughly it says that when I'm determined to do something, I'll do it.

Hence, determination, is a very strong tool in one's life. You see, when one is determined to do something, they'll do it regardless of the consequences - of course there are several degrees to it. Like for example, if one stands at one end, they'll go ballistic over their goals, you know, "Get rich or die tryin'.." Kinda thing? You could take Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) for example. Then again, if one stands at the other opposite extreme, they could just be determined, and dream, but not do anything about it - laze like a fat cat.

These two extremes are called polarization. The act of someone standing at either two extreme, taking excessive measurements to a point where those actions might just be plain absurd, plain irrational - to the naked eyes of course.

But then again determinations do not stand autonomously, they need these little anecdotes that light the bulbs up, like electric currents called believing. You see again it takes you to be either an optimist, or a pessimist. If you're an optimist, then good, believing your glass is half full is always good news. When you believe, everything is possible, even when its not a thing.

Like placebos, it all starts from the mind and then the heart. You tell me, I know both the heart and the head (the mind might just be allocated there) speaks different languages but it makes sense, to me at least.

Take my sayang Panda Po for example, even though he's a Panda and he was crowned the Dragon warrior, which doesn't make sense. But then he get to "learn" the secrets of the Dragon Warrior from a sacred scroll. And the world when chaotic as it was empty.

But trust me, it all starts from believing. Why do you need to go to the gym when you can be healthy just by mere jogs around the block on your own? You see, because they believe in a gym, there are "advanced" equipments and those tight abs men and women working there have the expertise to work on your body. They trust these gym people to put trust in their selves that they too, can be healthy.

But it doesn't take an expensive bill of a gym membership to be healthy doesn't it? It takes you believing in yourself and that determination to be healthy. Why put trust in other people first, then yourself?

When you believe you can achieve running around the blocks of your neighborhood and you are determined to achieve your goal, insyaAllah, you'll get your goal. Its all in the mind honey, all in the mind.

(Hahaha, I've been trying to lead an active lifestyle, that's why). And it works, so hey!

So basically what I'm trying to say is that, "Esse est percipi," George Berkeley. (To be, is to be perceived).

All you have to do is to put all that trust in yourself first to achieve that goal you have been determined on. It doesn't take anyone to put trust in you, it takes someone to ignite and encourage you yes, but no one to make you trust yourself. The decision is always yours.

It all leads to how you perceive yourself, whether you have the ability or otherwise. Remember self-concept? Yes, this is definitely one of your self-concept.

Maka dengan itu, syarahan kita pada malam ini tamat. Mari belajar!

P/s: NM is still betting that you look good on the dancefloor, under the skyline that looks like crooked teeth.

P/s2: Bebe is sleeping, and she asked me to bid my night wishes.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Because words are boring this time,

Talk to me instead.

Reaching for Nirvana and worldly joy.

I bet you look good on the dancefloor! Sigh.

Tis' has make me go wide awake late night,

I don't do crowds, Camera Obscura.

"I'd like to have company during thunderstorms
I'd like you to fall for me but it would soon turn lousy and wrong
I meant what I said, all I want is to be one of the best

I don't do crowds, everyone put it down to rudeness
I laughed out loud, could they all see that it was madness?
please come to save me from myself again,
to shield me to disguise that my heart has a secret
and this will make you sigh, and me cry

I find it funny that you never even knew
all the times when I stole a look from you
oh what's in my mind
oh they're gonna put me away this time"


Thursday, July 10, 2008

My faith, your faith, our faith?

I went for lunch with three of my educators from college. Somewhere in PJ. One of them was a vegetarian, so the other suggested an Indian restaurant called Jem. And the other educator said, Halal ke? There was a Halal sign, but it wasn't that Jawi Halal sign. It only says: HALAL. Daging disembelih oleh _____.

Then she said, no jawi sign lah. So we proceeded to Lotus.

I thought to myself, such great height of respect our citizens have for each others faith and beliefs. I kept quiet, frankly hoping that none of them felt forced to not eat at a preferable place. You know, its always troublesome to find a place to eat where everybody absolutely agrees? One way or another somebody has to be tolerant.

I'm torn between satisfying everybody's needs and embracing the beauty of tolerance.

With full tummies, the three proceeded to buy er, snacks? And I said, "You guys just ate lunch you know!" And they said, we know! My god, they all eat like beasts.

Anyway, while they were busy buying more food. I saw this pakcik, an officer from one of the local U. Maybe was a guard or something? Didn't really bother to observe though not until he kept looking at me, with a guilty look. Then I said, apahal ni? Something must have been bothering him. That's when I realized.. (And I secretly snap)

I guess he had this guilt in him when he saw a fellow Muslim looking at him writing to get instant cash. Well, which obviously was against our faith. My faith. But is it his faith? I mean, it is OUR faith, but when one does not embrace the faith wholly with heart, mouth and body, well.. I have not much to say.

I'm not one to say much about this either, since I myself am not covered. And only God knows how well and how not well I have behaved.

And one of the educator asked me earlier today referring to a covered Middle Eastern in an Abaya; "Can you see yourself wearing that?"



Because I think they perceive it as a norm, a dress code that they are obliged to. When in their hearts, there's a totally different story.

"A middle eastern told me that they were surprised how conservative we Malaysians are."


Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends,

What lies ahead,

To the late Mr.Guna of SMK Seafield, may his soul lies where it belongs.
July 8, 2008.

No one really knows what the meaning of life is. And some are walking breezily in the path chosen in search of it. Some, maybe like me, are running in the race. Call it hasty and as we know, they said, only fools rush in.

But on the contrary, by running, it'll make you reach your destination faster.

When you walk, what happens if something comes along the way and just take them all away? Make you choose between life and death. But they never really give you an option, you are bound to what they have written for you.

I wonder whether the late Mr Guna has found what he has been searching for in life.

Was the family he nourished adequate? Or were there things that he wanted to do before anything fails?

I wonder the path that he has walked or maybe ran along was the right one? Or did he ever wish he had turn left or right instead of going straight.

Thank you teacher,
The stop where we shared together (probably because you always gave me the highest mark); it brought me wanting to write more. And here I am. And I still have that book where you marked my essays.

May your soul is blessed.

Monday, July 07, 2008

That little girl inside,

I was looking for that thing in life that people depend on.

And I guess I realized that it was such a routine when the weekends come, people feast - with their dependable objects. And it was a Saturday, and my dependable object is gone. No no, don't think that is sappy and sad that my dependable object is gone, I'm fine with it really, its just that routine and my weekends aren't predictable anymore. Just that really.

I intended on spending my weekends on my workload and family anyway, since these are the paths that I should be focusing on.

I must say, I was lost. I need to find that certain something that people want in life. Or that certain something that people depend on and make life, well alive!

Then I decided I couldn't find it if I'm locked away in my sleeping chamber, I might as well go and get porridge.

So I thought this is it. I sit, feast with my porridge, read a book, listen to my songs, and look at the people around me. Wonder what on earth are their goals in life, and what are their dependable objects.

This family came along. With a girl toddler or maybe a boy? It reminded me of Bowlby right that instant. Why? Because of the insecure-ambivalent child who was crying on the father's torso. And the father, with a rather reluctant look almost like his child. Almost like saying, "why are you crying again, I don't understand lah, can't you be quiet?". The almost giving up look, but yet, does it for the love towards the child.

Dear father,
mengikut kata Bowlby, dan saya hanyalah mengaplikasikan apa yang telah saya belajar: anak encik, ialah seorang yang mempunyai
attachment style, "Insecure-ambivalent" di mana ketika menangis, akan terus menangis walaupun objek kasihnya (ibu atau bapa) berada di sampingnya untuk memujuk si bayi.

And when they have reached puberty or rather the steps to adulthood, they would continue to be dependent. These all are due to the early relationships formed between the parent and the baby, from the way the mother holds the child to how the mother talks to the baby, even when they don't understand.

The wife took the child, and the husband had to go and order food, again, with his reluctant almost like a child facial gesture.

I laughed.

The thing is about being a child, and be dependent to your parent is that it secures you. Even when you're an insecure-ambivalent child. You just cry, because maybe you know by crying, that would make them give you what you want. Or, by crying, you know you get the attention. And, my god, you know sure as hell it annoys your parent.

From child, you were brought forward to the world with those things that were taught to you by your parents. It helps you to build your self-concept, social-identity, goals and such. Hence, that is where you stand today.

I do not know how my parents fed me with all these "self" knowledge that I've picked up from them. But it sure as hell is depressing, because I want to be certain of that something that I want in life, and the search, ya Allah, susahnya. Nonetheless, I'm thankful, that's for sure.

At the end of the day, I guess it all goes down to how you perceive yourself and how you were brought up to think about yourself. I mean, they are like the starter kit in life, no one ever came out from the womb and say, "Hey, I'm alive, and I think the world is such a cruel place to live in but people has to make it through and suck it up anyway. Get real!". Right?

And about being dependent, well I came to know that why be dependent when you can just explore the world and be independent for the time being? I guess at some point, I didn't know that it is okay for me to just go drive somewhere alone and see what the world has to offer. I certainly am not the person who needs to have a companion just to get porridge, so why not?

Maybe it was just that I didn't know that it was okay for me to borrow Mama's car, and drive somewhere random. Or maybe go out of Subang alone, just to see some art exhibition or something. I guess after all, I am not so of an independent child, but that little girl in me is still dependent.

Ironically, there are things in life I want to chase and I'm so determine I should have them. But at the same time, all these little things in life, like feasting during the weekends, I still need to have my dependable object you know?

I guess I can't be absolutely independent. I'm allowed to want the normal things in life too don't I?

P/S: Here's to Bebe, who thinks I don't write deep stuffs anymore. Hope this is deep enough.


There are certain things in life you can't mix.

Like water and oil.

Personally, when I'm eating my usual nasi campur meal, its best to eat one dish with the rice. Yes true, I would have a mixture of lauk on my plate, but mixing another lauk with another lauk wouldn't just seem right. The taste would not be the pure taste.

For example, lets say I have a plate of rice. With the usual sambal kangkung, sup ayam and sambal ikan bilis. (These are my favorite dishes btw, heh.) When I want to eat, I would just mix my rice and either one of the lauk. Never 2 lauk with rice, or 3 lauk at once. The taste wouldn't be that original taste of the lauk. Its not original.

Hence, the term nasi campur really does not apply to my meal anymore.

Not to say that I'm conservative in the sense that I can't accept new things in life, but like I say, there are certain things you can't mix.

I was eating my ever yummy J&Co. My favorite, Heaven Berry. Then there was this tiny choc chip beneath. I had to remove that first. Really, you need to eat your food with its original taste. Otherwise, that authentic taste wouldn't arise as much.

Just my two cents.

Like I say, there are certain things in life you can't mix.

Like sex scandals and sexual desires of normal aged men with the state of the country - they too run normal lives despite being politically involved.

Or maybe like Jay-Z featuring at the Glastonbury Music Fest.

Or phonies attending an "Indie" festival, which in the end looses its "Indie" value because it becomes over-rated.

Yeah, there are positive things that arise when mixture occurs. Like our Bangsa Malaysia. Or the intercultural marriage. Or perhaps like Nescafe + Milo = Neslo.

Tell me, do you campur your lauk in your nasi campur?

P/S: So who wants to bring me out for a nasi campur meal? Lapar.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

My Dear Country,

"Power and money, men's greatest poison," Jane, on the political drama.

"But you make noise because it's a psychological war to bind together (a party) that is not strong. Only people who are not strong will make noise," Ezam Mohd Nor. Sunday Star, July 6, 2008.

Tell me, siapa yang buat bising sekarang?

People, listen to
Norah Jones: My Dear Country.

'Twas Halloween and the ghosts were out,
And everywhere they'd go, they shout,
And though I covered my eyes I knew,
They'd go away.

But fear's the only thing I saw,
And three days later 'twas clear to all,
That nothing is as scary as election day.

But the day after is darker,
And darker and darker it goes,
Who knows, maybe the plans will change,
Who knows, maybe he's not deranged.

The news men know what they know, but they,
Know even less than what they say,
And I don't know who I can trust,
For they come what may.

'cause we believed in our candidate,
But even more it's the one we hate,
I needed someone I could shake,
On election day.

But the day after is darker,
And deeper and deeper we go,
Who knows, maybe it's all a dream,
Who knows if I'll wake up and scream.

I love the things that you've given me,
I cherish you my dear country,
But sometimes I don't understand,
The way we play.

I love the things that you've given me,
And most of all that I am free,
To have a song that I can sing,
On election day.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Tanah Melayu,

Do you think there's such thing as Political Immunity?

Even if it means that the Supreme Court is well, "Independent" from the federal government?

Just look at our poor country now. Crumbling at its very core, the drama they're acting in. The stage they stand on, could fall at any second just by one tiny wrong movement.

Its like a game of chess.

I wonder, where did the love for the country go? If our Father of Independence was still alive, I am sure he would feel disappointed that he stood up for this.

Wake up, wake up dear old, "wise" political men.

And yes, there is such thing as political immunity.

To write or defend yourself on a blog on this whole big mess its a little bit stupid, even for an old man who is/was in politics. Doesn't it sound like a high school drama? Where girls bitch about other girls on the world wide web? Or maybe the stupid wall in the toilet?

Who cares if one is Homo? Who cares about an old man's sexual desires and relationships?

Who does not care about the state of the country? Certainly the ones who are too absorbed in these sexual activities of these old men. Get the country running.

"I found a fatal flaw, in the logic of love,"
The ShinsPublish Post

Friday, July 04, 2008


I wonder whether the people I sat next to in class years ago are gonna be the future scientist, rockstar, politician? And the list goes on. Have you ever wondered that you'd be able to see anyone of them on the television because of some corrupted political agenda?

Most importantly, where would I stand then?

Tiada topik perbincangan lain,

Love always wins.

Ever wondered why is Love is the most noble thing being put inside our head? Think about it, those little annoying Carebears during your childhood days, or maybe even Barney and his little friends. Or maybe those action heroes you've been following ever since? Or that touch and diaper changing sessions with your family and relatives? They all play similar tone to it, love.

Was it not for Superman's love of his country and his people and even Louise Lane that he fought all his foes? For the love of mankind.

Was it not for Captain Planet's love towards the earth and the people?

Was it not love for the mother's child that she bear for a whole 9 months?

And yet, where you stand today, it is all determined by how you were brought up, with or without love.

"It's a long journey from a bended knee to the alter," says Anne Boleyn of England. Well at least that was in the movie, The Other Boleyn Girl.

Yes true, you tell me, you can easily divert one's focus or rather affections towards a person in just seconds even if they had been together through the longest time. But what the heart has to say, stays around until it stops hunting you through your lonely hours.

I mean, even the married ones could easily be divorced or separated; what more those without knots or even bonds?

I've watched The Other Boleyn Girl just a few moments ago. And it occurs to me, how a sister's love could be so tormenting and yet so joyful. And this means blood, the blood in your veins; the bond you have in you. The traits you inherited from your parents. Family.

An infatuated person would say, "I'd die for you". But really, if you love someone, you would not die for them, you would live for them. Because if its a mutual love, how can the other party sees a person whom he/she loves so much die? Would he/she rather not see them live? You tell me, would you rather see the person you love die or live?

Its the greatest sacrifice ever. To live for the person you love.

Take Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W) for example, he sacrificed for the people he loved. Be he was tormented by his "misled" friends, he still lived for the people he love.

In the movie, the King of England then, King Henry, was troubled for an heir, a son. Then I realized how he was blinded by lust, sexually and even the urge, the goal to have a son. Now tell me, can you differentiate lust and love?

I would tell you this, if you have read our dear Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, well, you should know how Romeo was blinded by his "love" for Rosaline. Little that he knew, it was lust. Infatuation. Love on the other hand, does not account for the greatest gifts you could get, or that bridge you could build. In King Henry's case, dethroned his Queen, and broke political networks with France, just to get into Anne.

No, those are plain stupidity, irrational actions powered by lust. And maybe a little urge to reach a certain goal.

It's scary how determined one could get. It's scarier to know what he/she would do just to have what they have determined for, which is probably not for the better.

But then again, what is better?

Or rather, what is love?

It is neither a rose, hugs, kisses, or simply sex. Nor is it the 3 words uttered by someone.

They are all done and committed by the ones who were in love, again and again.

So tell me, what is love?

Thursday, July 03, 2008

July 3rd,

I hate corny people, who are in love with the idea of being in love.

(Malas nak buat assingment).

Oi, besok 4th of July!

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

July, July!

Hello? I think I should update.

Zzzzz. Maybe later.