Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Big Girls Don't Cry.

It's time to wrap the year up. I know you think it's still early, but well, I have nothing better to do anyway.

You know, this was suppose to be the big year for me and the others of my age. You know, being on our two feet with the new world of "excitement". Boozes and all that "good" stuff. Let me tell you this, well I am not really fond of all these "living" stuffs. It's a big deal for me, and if its not for you, well I respect it (and that's the thing). College was suppose to be the trial an(d) error thing, experimental shits. And all the grown up kids, well, its their turn to say out loud "Budak-budak baru nak up" to us. Its karma I guess - the elder ones said the same thing to them, and they say it back at us. Then, we would have the authority to say it. In fact, we already have, well to the school kids at least. Its a generation thing, really. But who gives a damn anyway?

As much arguments (mostly unintended) with much of the people in my life about this issue, well, firstly; Sorry. I'm a keras kepala kid, I see things only at my side. Its just that I have issues with these craps, but maybe at the end of the day, I have to deal with the issues with myself. Funny thing huh?

Anyhow, through routines of my daily lives well I think I've found the missing puzzle. Well, I can't really say its a complete answer since I haven't really gone through all the possible contributors. But yeah, it's better than nothing right? You know, funny thing how I didn't manage to bridge them; funny how my mind is so caged.

Well, I guess its how people want to live their lives. They do after all, learn from mistakes. Now forget Freud's Super Ego - it can eat you alive when its excessive. Thus, I guess in a way, religions and all that sacred stuffs are our super egos. You either live up to it, or you satisfy your id.


A friend of mine said; you should not write about life - it just goes on and on. Old stuff repeating to new words. Get what I mean? Then she said I should write about movies, that's fun stuff.

Well, I have no words against her, really. It's true. Don't you guys notice? It's the same thing repeating over and over again. Its worse than a writer's block. Not fresh.

Once in a lecture, an educator said; Don't write you emotions out. You write to educate people, not to influence them. That's what he felt, specially on religions of the world and how significant they are to lives. We pretty much had to ponder upon religions, philosophically that is.

In other words, don't pull people to stand by you. Let them think on their own, make their choices. Inspire them. Don't be fucking bias.

So dear readers; did I educate you or did I influence you to object me?


Love always wins. Does it?

Broad matter. Well, I've always loved these little pieces of ages ago. Be it the sad ones or the complete nuisances of life.

My love for these portions of forgotten paths is growing by the day. Making me holding them closer than ever. Hard to let go, to stand on your two feet. But I stood anyhow; regardless on how not fond I was. Not tall enough, but I stood. Watching one by one being sucked on this huge vacuum of life. Hanyut, terbang. It was between that. Full of life, yet so empty.

Me being a sentimental fool; I tear anytime I embrace this subject. Its the world I'm afraid of. It's the life before I'm afraid to let go and all the people who are in my everyday routine.

From the text book, well, they suggested that changes and inconsistency that contribute to our daily stress. That means the little things in life that are consistently changing.

Or maybe, just maybe it is the attachments and hope you placed in them. Too attached, too dear. Love. When the time comes to let go, all you can really do is just sit and watch them live. Right or wrong, hanyut or terbang - who really knows?

Funny thing how the culture we are in focuses on the future and the past. Not really the present. At least that's my adopted principle in life. Always toiling for the future. Always aiming for goals to reach. Always expecting something for tomorrow. Then I've forgotten about today, about right now, and how to live it.

Well, the past let them be what they were. And today be what they are and tomorrow, well let they'll be what they will be.

Love means letting go. And I would try to let go and live today not yesterday nor tomorrow but today. We all learn from mistakes eh? So let our foolishness take over, and let us grow from it. Let today mold us for tomorrow.

2008, I welcome you with hopes of being better. Maybe a pinch of "living", plenty of life, tons of live and well, a handful of me. Cheers 2007 and 2006 (which is pretty much still in my head!).

Love always wins right?

Monday, December 17, 2007

"Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair"

People often find things that unfold themselves for the better. You know, the ones in the movies where they play good songs along - where the role has find his/her inner strength. Does that often happen to you?

To go through the whole phase; well you need to find yourself. Be it through the tough or the easy route. Life-changing-experiences?

I read this book over the weekend: Open Your Eyes; where tales of authors unfold their journeys that had changed their lives- on how they view the world.

Just how did they choose their lives experiences and to pen them down; for everyone to read is just interesting. I mean, they know well which phase of their lives help them to unfold their lives for the better, and how to view the world.

If I was given a chance to tell a tale that actually changed my life; I wouldn't be confident on which phase that actually taught me how to view the world. Well, I myself am not sure whether how I view the world is the right one or otherwise- for the better.

So, what I'm fascinated about is how confident are they about their lives.

Can one be, at the first place?

Once, my friend was saying how safe I was about being myself. And she was telling me how she was not who I was, not secure of herself. Maybe that is/was why she's an experimental fiction-er. No harm done friend.

My point here is: Even if she had made that statement, I still am not convinced.

Well, one thing that I need to know is how do you know what your thoughts/actions etc are the right ones? From every aspects that matter to you. You know, the ones that need approvals from yourself and the people around you - parents, teachers, friends society etc. And if you're doing things for the sake of satisfying your wants, is it called selfish?

So, if you think you're confident on how you are, on what you do and on who you are; well good for you. But we're talking about way beyond the compliments and super outfits, hair-dos to boost your self-confidence/esteem here.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Cold morning, of birds chirpping and coffee.

Monday mornings have never been better
than this one.

Friday, December 07, 2007

The prodigal blogger.

Been wondering where the hell have I been?

I have been feeding my lecturers pages of craps for them to grade. Yes, finals and assignments. And now, I'm back. Helping myself on the bed feeding the world wide up to increase the entropy of the universe. Notice the scientific term; so now you can judge how hard have I studied.

Anyways, just to add spice up to the cliche, I'm sorry for the static you loyal readers had to experience. You don't really miss much of my thoughts, just some pressure due to study last minute habit and uh, that applies to assignments as well. But anyway, yes, jumpingjane kembali. Kini berada di awangan bersama jack.


I did notice it a few days ago. I was wondering have you guys noticed it yet. ITS BLOODY DECEMBER. Feel how fast time flies? I swear to God, 2 days ago last year, I just ended my biology paper, made my last steps in school as a student there and now, a whole set of students are over with their school years.

I mean, wei i'm not over school yet, and I'll be a sophomore the next term.


Dah for now, enjoy my average posts, the ones you would get everywhere.

I'm too exhausted to think. I thought hard for my final paper this afternoon, 4 BLOODY ESSAYS on RELIGIONS.

Selamat malam dunia.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


Here was what I was thinking during BIO class.

To conform to religion or to social norms?

The answer might just be crystal clear, but here's the catch : Why are still there conforming to social norms?

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


My kid brother said to me few minutes ago :

"I wish God can take away all my emotions.
I hate emotions, especially love."

That coming from a kid who is about to get his UPSR result this Thursday.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Jiwang Jane.

Try to run down the street in your shorts when you are 5, you'd fall down and injure your knees with cuts and blood. As weird as I might sound, I recall running and falling and wounding my knees. Funny thing is, I remember me and Ms. Lipgloss saying we miss getting our knees injured.

To whom would you tell your tale of your daily adventure?

You are having the time of your life, running around playing a game called the kiss and tell. Chasing other genders around, filling your teenagers' tanks. But then you fall aimlessly, chasing for the one you thought was made for you, the one you thought you loved. In the end, you came running back to the one that has always loved you even when you're the size of a zygote.

Would you still hold their hands when you are autonomous?

Its like living in two different time zones. One talking tales of the inner world, the other building plugged reality. Intense karmic bond. Its like the yin and yang. You thought opposite attracts, like the magnets. On the contrary, experts said the same tracks keep you running. But you believed in this little thing.

How would you keep track of each other?

I was saying about how minor this little passion helps you find the thing you wanted in life. Maybe I was wrong, being too obsessed with what I was looking for. Maybe this is one of the road that would lead us to the other road.

Love means letting go. So you move far from your square one. But you would still look back every now and then cause it made you, you.

Love means forgive. So you find the strength to be better, you find the guts that would never come to apologize cause you know time would not wait too long.

Love means tolerance. So you calculate the percentage to equilibrium-waiting and hoping;cause you know patience is only testable at a low rate.

Friday, November 09, 2007


All the good things in life.


Syawal with the kids.

Don't you find it sick for people to laugh at scenes where hitting others are involved? I mean, cartoons have that, and kids laugh. Its just sick.

There was this kid, shouting in mandarin the last time I was in a retail store. Oh boy, was she in a mood to be loud and dramatic. But it was catchy. She shouted for her mother who was busy going through every possible inch of cloth while her father was leaving the store. It was heart felting. She shouted and shouted for her mother to be quick. Father is going already. Mom mom mom! Faster!

Guess its in the child's heart to stick together.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Across the universe!

Have you ever notice people often sing about these changing phases?

Change, change, change.
And I'm starting to think its a cliché.
I guess we are all still adapting to the changing phases in our lives. Be it a small change or a huge one. One way or the other, we would eventually realize that life would not be the same without it especially when you value this change dearly.

It could be the lost of a dear friend.

It could be the lost of a routine.

It could be the lost of time.

But somehow we manage to move on forward without really being aware that we are losing these little portions of our lives. We walk through this road so full of ourselves and we don't really stop and observe the spaces between.

When the time comes, it all crumbles down like biscuit crumbs on the floor. So tiny, so hard to gather and useless as food. So annoying when all the crumbs stick on your wet feet. When the time comes, it would be hard to gather them back.

However, regardless how valuable that life portion of yours means, it would still be lost from your physical abilities but still manage to steal a soft spot in your mind. The place of personal conscious. When you hide trying to run, it would come after all. Its like a never ending Police and Thief. When you face it with a brave heart, it would still make you weak inside.

No matter how you deal with the subject, you would still feel a certain ache inside. What is so special anyway? Maybe its how it impact your life, one way or the other. You would often look back. I told you its not a bad thing to look back at square one. One would still have to face their fears, instantly or in the long-term.

People fall to lost.

"Nothing's gonna change my world,"
Across the universe. The Beatles.

Does this make any sense to you?

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

All is well.

My course mate was taken by how paradoxical
the other youths can be.
She has just been exposed.
She was shocked.

Ah, such poor thing.

But all is well.

Hectic week, silent blog.

Thursday, October 18, 2007


He had a hard time trying to convince me A is not everything.

But, B is! =) Heh.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Boxed Thoughts,

Found something I wrote ages ago:


I'm blind, I'm torn and I'm dead.
But before to the above, I'll strike before thee.
I'll run in the fields with the blue gazing sky.
I'll tear for the little things I want.
I shall smile and look upon thy absence.
I will laugh at the rewind memories.
I might fall and stumbled for your presence.
But I'd get up and stand on my shoes.
I'll be there to make an envious moon.
And laugh at the carved look.
Either way, fall or stand,
I will strike before thee.

Thursday, October 11, 2007



mama dan papa yang memberi ku kehidupan.
mr. jack pujaan hatiku.
RAKAN-RAKAN RAPATKU; cik paperbagged dan cik lipgloss.
RAKAN-RAKAN KU; yang setia membaca rintihan ku.


maaf zahir dan batin.

blog agak handy jugak.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

When Endomembrane system does not work for me.

"And it could be that humanity will someday "'come of age,'"
outgrow religion and stand on its own as an autonomous adult."
Louis P. Pojman


Tell me, how many are in the race holding tightly to the sacred teachings? And how many are in the race generated by worldly things but yet; are carrying portions of humanity with them while they are chasing life away?

Yes, my eyes are open. Not fully, but wide enough to see this other side of life approach. So don't worry dear heart, I'll pick my words carefully. If only I could talk to the Mastermind behind all these chaos; I would probably be laughing at all my questions.

Aku tak pernah carry the notion of humans equality atau pun Darwin's Evolutionary Theory. Tapi semakin lama aku fikir, semakin pantas teori-teori ini menuju ke kotak pemikiran ku. Aku statik; hanya mampu menunggu setinggi mana momentum yang akan terhasil.

Have a brilliant day.


MID fucking TERM - BIO.

I was in class the other day-bobbling around the topic of substance abuse. Hah. Cikgu aku cakap, orang yang pernah consume E, I.Q dia akan turun. Then I thought to myself; "Hah, no wonder I can think better than you suckers." Tak, jangan marah aku sebab aku menghasilkan buah fikiran begitu. Bukan kehendak aku pun, its all pre-determined. (Please refer and ponder upon the issue of: Free-will and determinism).

Aku sedar aku tak lah sehebat mana kalau di ukur dengan kayu ukur yang subjektif. Dan untuk aku meluahkan buah fikiran yang begitu pessimis adalah sangat tidak wajar. Kita sama-sama manusia, sama-sama merangkak mengejar kehidupan.

Pengunjung-pengunjung blog Malaya Genius pernah bertikam lidah atas isu: Intelligence. And how one really should not measure, thus really; I.Q tests do not serve any purpose unless to get security in the finance department. But when you do not excel too, you would drown in this money-sucking era. Lets get real; berapa sangat lah yang survive without good qualification? A handful. Yang lain? Nyawa-nyawa ikan.

Aku tau. Aku pun setuju dengan notion pengalaman lebih berharga dari segala ijazah dan sijil yang wujud. But, be real, we aren't the ones setting and plotting all these unwritten rules in the bloody invisible book. Who are we really?

My kid brother often claimed that he's not clever and always saying that he's stupid. Ah, I know, it keeps me thinking. Maybe it was me that went wrong? Always comparing my paper qualifications with his. Or maybe it was the tension that mother drove us to where As' are the ones that matter? Or maybe it was the society that made my mother conform to the notion?

Ah, kalau kau tanya aku atau dia, tentu kami akan jawab; semua orang pun sebernanya bodoh. Dunia ni bodoh. Period.

Selamat malam wahai dunia yang buta lagi terpesong.

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Atta' Girl.

Mothers are nagging machines.

Mine, burst like the mercun when I pass 10p.m curfew.

" And you don't know a single thing about the youth of today," bak kata Amy Macdonald.

Aku baru habis mid-term, jadi tunggulah masa aku untuk menghirup udara segar,
membeli-belah meniti Aidilfitri dan mungkin kita akan bertutur untuk meneruskan post yang seterusnya.

Feed your trash cans.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007


My tok 'yang's view on education system and society pressure:

"Ugama nak dikejar, orang putih nak dikejar,
orang melayu pun nak dikejar.
Anak-anak kita macam tak bernyawa."

Wise and aged minds just enlighten me.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Diri ku.

"I've seen him fall down; he falls hard".
Lauren Conrad

I used to talk of being on the ground, and standing on two feet. Of oars of life that drown you beneath the water, asphyxiate you. Of strength that swim in your blood, making the ground way below you, while you are up there, flying.

When you strike a victory, make sure it is a beneficial one, the ones that would make you gain experience points, the ones that widen your mind and the ones that increase your humility. When you fall, you weep.

These are my pictures of the roads that you head in life. The ones that make you chase something. Something that is very brilliantly abstract. The kind that you thought you wanted it, and when you have it, its really not it. What is this something? Love, happiness? No no, this something is not as easy to grab. Not easy to search. This something makes you fall hard, swim, sweat and cry but yet, it remains just as something not the thing.

Maslow talked about a pyramid filled with needs of the humble beings. About stages we fulfill to operate and function. Stages of our lives that are almost abstract, and almost beyond reach. The ultimate stage apparently is; self-actualizing needs. The stage which has no roads linked to, the one that makes you find the hidden secret passage to reach the destination.
Just like in video games.

Self-actualizing is the final stage where you gain eternal happiness other than the whole other-worldly and metaphysical scenes. Happiness on earth, happiness in life. It is the stage where you take what's there on the offer, where you don't run in the race anymore and where you really do not care who is there to win or lose.

When uttered; "self-actualizing" it reminds me the whole concept of nirvana, whereby one is free, not bound by any lust that might just disrupt your connection with God. It is very much far from where I stand, too foggy to even see.
If you ask me, I don't think I would be able to reach that stage, I like most would probably just stop at the stage of: Esteem Needs. In order to reach the final stage, one should really know the self. The self, the only identity I have been questioning as early as I could even remember. Catalyzed by my idealistic views; that just hurry along with the notion of "Identity seeking personality" much like Maslow's "Self-actualizing". I swear, it is the most irritating question that has been waiting for an answer ever since I was in primary. Ya Allah.

Now let me ask you; do you know yourself?

If you do, really; tell me how.

And if you don't, then who should we blame; the education system?

The Self.

Monday, September 24, 2007

One Headlight.

"To fill the space,
the space you made for me."

The big question in life is: Are you going to win?
Sometimes I just wish that I'm running as fast as I can with all those people in the race. It would not bring issues up between me and people. Its just that I wonder their lives as well other than mine; maybe I should have not cross the line. Maybe at some point, they too wonder their lives off.

I stumbled across another heart with Marx's principle: Humans are created equal.

Dear heart, I'm learning.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Really funny how my fellow Muslims pose in front of the cameras with their cans or bottles of Beer and being proud of it. Ah, the world isn't at the right place I reckon.

They have all just rationalized into a dead end.

The wonderings.

Forget about the saying I told you about how big your mind is. For tis, its going to be a very small one.

I never knew that blog skipping would be so much fun. Hah. It really fills my time, specially when I have class in an hour time. I came across a blog; fellow Malaysian of the same gender. Oh boy, is she one of the great blogger! I mean, she's a mother and she listens to all that Modest Mouse crap. And did I tell you that she has one of the great mind?

One thing i noticed about the "blogsphere" is that; they are in the professional lines. I mean, wow. Hebat gila okay. Then this path of wondering was carved right before my eyes, great just great. Would I still be part of the "blogsphere" and be in the professional line as well?

Lets face it; I am a growing mind with many dreams to catch-talk about greedy. I love writing, and you know just talk about all these absrud talks. And ever since I was 15, I wanted a job as one of the professionals. And to top it up; having a family.

I know its still early and stuff, since I just turned legal. But you know, you got to plot your life. Its just how things are suppose to be. So anyway, this wasn't meant to be a post- I was just filling holes of my time until the next class. And the time is here.

"Well thats; one thing we've got".
Breakfast at Tiffany's; Deep Blue Something.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


One thing you should probably hate about me is that I am a bloody judgmental ass. Trust me; even my personality test says it. Don't say anything just yet, I do believe all these tests though to some extend it doesn't make any sense, but heck; it is my bloody major.

So anyway, I am judgmental and one little wrong impression; you might just not be in one of my good books (Not that you give a damn or anything). Don't blame me just yet; blame my Idealistic point of views. It says that an Idealist tend to seek that certain uniqueness in himself/herself or others. So yeah, there you go.

I was just blown by how stereotyping or my judgments for the record could just be the least reliable source of knowledge. I used to think that bimbos do not at any rate posses at least the slightest deepest thought. But who knew..

I came across the youth blogs. Ah, they took me by surprise and they held me at their writings. Beautiful thoughts, beautiful mind. You know, certainly not the average blogger kind of shit. That stuff kills me. So anyway, who knew all these party animal could have such deep thoughts.

But they failed to rationalize. Or perhaps they rationalized until the point where they found out that the ultimate source of knowledge; ethical values and such are not really the ultimate source of knowledge. You know, when they discovered that all those sacred religion books are just "classic literature" and remain as just that.

Maybe they are driven by their free-wills to lead life and never really want any Superior power or authority get in the way; being obstacles. After all, it is free will VS. determinism. Maybe, just maybe when you get to the point whereby you have filled your head with all the intellectual questions and answers; you would divert from the track.

Run, still in search of the truth in discreet. Holding to your beliefs.

Maybe one day, someone would rise and jumble it all for you again. Square one.

Selamat Berbuka Dear Loyal Muslim Readers.
Selamat Berbelanja at the Bazaar My Loyal Readers.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Kepala Kosong.

You are weirder than my neighbor's extra thumb.

Saturday, September 08, 2007


"We see things they'll never see,
You and I are going to live forever."


Slowly, we lose one by one of the insignificant. Hanyut. Really, it saddens me to see one by one of them are taken down slowly like a domino masterpiece in slow motion. As if its epidemic. Are we going to lose them all soon? Or are we going to lose ourselves too?

Losing. If you ask me, I myself am not sure what are they(we) losing ourselves(us) to. Its as if their soul or rather their "truth" has been sucked out by a huge vacuum.

I've lived by the day- watching one by one of my acquaintances being captivated by "the life". Punishing their souls to the beat.

I question myself, what is right and what is wrong? To me, it might seem wrong, but to others, it might just seem the damn right thing.

So is the way we lead our lives right?

For your interpretation to define.

Subjective, bloody subjective.
Aku tengah malas nak buat kerja dan belajara.
Oh, tolong lah beri pertolongan!

Friday, September 07, 2007

Pekikan masyarakat.

One thing about this hectic chaos is that;

they do the talking alright, but never the walking.

Maybe that is why most Malaysians suffer from obesity.

Ya Allah, kalau tak boleh jalan pun, merangkak lah.

Please somebody enlighten us; it is too subjective.

Fish eye.

I often get inspired and aspired; but it'll last only a moment. And when the moment of truth comes; it all shatter like the stars - distant yet dreamy.

Rel 120 Class:

  • People who are caught up in their world; bitching about others.
  • People who slumber their time.
  • People who dig out interest from each other.
  • People who flip pages.
  • One who listens to Oasis, jotting this down on notes sheets.

.... And it gets louder every time.


Thursday, September 06, 2007

Geniuses of shoe sizes.

Time haunts us from the back;

Chasing goals and strength of the insignificant.

Beyond the stars and the seas lies a truth;

Betraying words of wisdom of the life.

Headless geniuses count the seconds;

Portraying the most impairment.

Ah, it is here.

Carrying me above; flying high.

Makan dalam.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Places where we belong.

There's a famous saying that goes;

"Very great minds talk about ideas,
Great minds talk about events,
Small minds talk bout people,
And very small minds talk about self."

One of my course lecturer introduce the whole class to this true saying. I find it absolutely right. If you skip from blogs to blogs or perhaps just listen to the person talking to you; where would you place them? Where would you place you?

I need to read books, but I'm skipping from blog to blog. So forgive me dear educators.

Have you smiled at a stranger today?

Saturday, September 01, 2007


Bidadari pada malam hari.

Figura berterbangan di lelangit bilik.

Buah pemikiranku berdansa seiring kesepian malam.

Mata tak tunduk pada lelap,

dan sepi berjelaga sama si riuh.

Sendiri tak pernah
berbisik sunyi,

walau kuat bagai berpesta.

Cukupkah diri ini untuk hari esok?

Atau keesokannya tak mecukupi?

Bekejaran semua umatNya sama waktu.


Duniya pada perspektif gelap.

Selamat malam duniya.

Absurd Tags.

1. Put Your itunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer-a song.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name

If someone says "is this okay?" you say,

Danish : OAG
(Fine with me.)

How would you describe yourself?
Like a Boy : Ciara
(At times when a bad hair day doesn't take over you.)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Island of the Honest Man : Hot Hot Heat
(So they say; honesty is the best policy. Yourself; just yourself.)

How do you feel today?
Thinking About You : Norah Jones

(Yup. You, you and you. People.)

What is your life's purpose?
Over My Head (Cable Car) : The Fray
(Wishing people are strangers that I could disengage; wishing that I am at any rate normal than most.)

What is your motto?

Not Myself: John Mayer

(This is again the reason why I'm doing my major.)

What do your friends think of you?

Too Much : Spice Girls

(At times I'm just plain; too much?)

What do you think of your parents?

Hey Baby! : No Doubt

What do you think about very often?
I Hate Everything About You : 3 Days Grace
(You being the fact about the world.)

What is 2 + 2?
Slob on my knob: Three Six Mafia

What do you think of your best friend?
This Ain't A Scene, Its An Arms Race : F.O.B
(Oh for the other it is the scene; the other, not really an arm race, its the MIND!)

What do you think of the person you like?
Boom Boom Fire : Dr. Love ; Para Para Paradise.
(B, jom pergi main para para? )

What is your life story?
Sephia : Sheila on 7
(Its always the person left the other party. Bloody melodrama. )

What do you want to be when you grow up?
A Minor Incident : Badly Drawn Boy
(The loyal wife.)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Thank You for the Venom : MCR
(Definitely not an emo rocker.)

What will u dance to at ur wedding?
Penny Lane : The Beatles

What will they play at your funeral?
Dayang : OAG
(I would prefer a tahlil.)

What is your hobby/interest?
Just A Phase : Incubus
(Adapting to phases of life? Or Phases of life interest me?)

What is your biggest fear?
Fall To Pieces : Avril Lavigne

(Hell yes.)

What is your biggest secret?
If You're Not The One : Daniel Beddingfield

(It is a guilty pleasure; shut up.)

What do you think of your friends?
Suga Suga : Baby Bash; Frankie J
(We tend to be loud? Too much sugar?)

Ok end of absurd tags.

the youth of today.

Life; a big word for a little insignificant being. People often ask themselves what are their purpose of being here on earth. Again, these approaches to life are rather subjective. But the objective part of it is; the classifications. Some toil real hard for their goals - which at the end of the day, they would still wonder the use of their goals. Some just party their hearts out and call it; "living to life". The others, well just watch their lives go crashing down the drain.

The life of Malaysia after 50 years seem less and less civilized. Humanity as you can see seems to be declining in contradict with the booming development. My theory is this, the more and more civilization grows, the more humanity shrink. I was watching the national television last night for its glorious 50th Independence Night and it breaks my heart to see Naib Pengerusi of the UMNO Youth raise the flag.

It has been a long time since Tanah Melayu stand on its two feet. And thus, Tanah Melayu was freed on the 31st August 1957. But today, fifty years later, the youth of today are caught in their own world. And it breaks my heart to see them flooding Sunway Lagoon for the My Nation, Putrajaya for the Fireworks by Japan, or any other places merely for the fun but not for the patriotic spirit.

"Freedom of Speech". I usually come across people who talk the talk about this whole "Freedom of Speech" and how it is not exactly a freedom. The funny thing about this is, these fresh raw mentality of theirs seem to be caught in between the four walls, and just speak randomly without thinking. Like I've written in a few posts before how these people do not know how to lead their life in a proper manner or maybe the one that can't even finish up their college assignments are the ones wanting to teach the authority to lead the government. Isn't it ironic?

If they want a freedom of speech so much, maybe they should arrange their mentality first. And not merely speak words of raw meat.

I am not saying in any way I am not in the category of the youth of today. Heck, I will only be legally eighteen in a few moments from now. In any way, I might just be just like you. With guilt, I often question the authority, the lives of the politicians, the government and above all, the youth. Doesn't it sadden you to see a huge amount of us wasting away our lives? And hasn't it occur to you, how would the country, the nation, our folk traditions would be another 50 years from now?

I went to the petrol station on the Merdeka eve. There was this old man, maybe around his seventies was in his uniform, handing the door for the customers. This feeling of respect just overcome me. It is funny how the old ones that have more will, more strength to work their ass off rather than the youth of today. I have always been impressed with the old folks that walk around on their own in the streets of Subang Jaya. They still have their courage, their strength with them.
But where are all the kids gone to? They are not at the playground neither at the school. So where are they?

It is funny when the society always complain on this and that. And it is much more funny when people agree to it. Like I said, they only talk the talk, but never do the walking. It has already been fifty years, when are they going to start walking? Or at least crawl? Funny when they want more from something but never give anything in return. Isn't it should be a win-win situation?

Malaysia is nothing like any other Asian country. Tell me where else can you see people of many races in cars cursing in their own mother tongue? Or when you switch the radio on, you can hear from Bahasa, Tamil, Chinese and English? Or maybe just watching the TV from Astro Ria to Vaan to Wah Lai Toh? Where else can you experience the respect of every other religion? Or the Muslim paying his last respect to his Christian friend?

Maybe if you ought to live just one day before all these cultural adaptation and respect took place, you would learn to appreciate more of our cultural diversity than complaining about how the other races are like. There shouldn't be any races stereotypes either. We, the bangsa Malaysia, are one. And as one; we stick together, respect and feast!

" Berdoalah untuk semua, misterimu ku pohon,
agar tegur karisma, iman ku selamanya.
Ku mohon ke atas Mu, salahku selalu.
Dalam sadis, ku bernada; indah duniya seketika."

Danish; Old Automatic Garbage.

P/S: Dear loyal readers, I have decided to cancel my cbox; I don't see the good use of it anymore. But please do continue read my ever absurd thoughts. You have no idea how much I appreciate your wills.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Malaysia; Tanah Airku.

Malaya O' Malaya.

Selamat Hari Kemerdekaan Ke-50.

Make your nation, family proud.

Allah bless us all.


Saturday, August 25, 2007

Under the influence

I have to admit; when my former Sekolah Menengah did all the "Jauhi Dadah" campaign, I find it rather distant and it was just a thing to pass-by with and no real significance was needed. But a couple of months later, I find the campaign wasn't as distant as before. It did have a real significance to these growing teens.

I was just standing by the notion whereby I thought to myself; they can't be so bloody stupid and dumb. But then again, here I stand.. They are bloody stupid and dumb after all. Read your papers; then you would find people of all ages trafficking drugs and such. If only we could buy some sense for them from the local drug store; the pharmacy.

It is just sad to know that people are abusing these substances which at first was for humans good. I mean, if you know some parents are struggling with ethical question whether to feed their ADD kids with pharmacology's drugs; there are a huge amount of them would pay, kill, beg or steal to grab hold of this euphoria world.

Can't they just stop and think? Maybe just maybe, they would just die right after the next consumption. At some point, I pray to God they would, you just need something to open their eyes after all.


"Do religions promote peace or war?"
- REL 120 class.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

The Flaws from where I stand.

By any means, I am not here to condemn any party nor I am here to pull you to stand here with me. These are mere thoughts of a growing mind; a growing teenager. So pardon me if you feel offended as I have no intention at all to push you away.


Yesterday, I experienced one of the Malaysian beautiful moment. You may say I'm corny as much as you want. I know there are a number of you people out there aren't really looking forward for the "Tanggal tiga puluh satu bulan lapan" moment. But the fact from where I stand, still remains. So anyway, the scene began during my orientation for this whole new college thing. We were to fill up forms from the merged university which a known university from the States. Being the American system; your family name comes first then first and middle name.

So the speaker know exactly that us kids need help being in the Malaysian education system which kids are spoon fed right from the beginning to the age of 17 or 18. Thus, to the obvious he had to explain how to properly fill up your names as it would appear on the scrolls. First, he picked a Chinese girl for an example. Then, an Indian girl. He also said "anak perempuan". Finally, he asked "is there any Malay here?". Which to the obvious being me; i raised my hand after we had few small contacts and talks. Then he said sorry. I have no idea why. He then asked for our names and gave example. If you can't see the beautiful sight of this, I'm really sorry for you. Really I am.

I know the whole controversial issues about the nation, the politics and the religions seem to be the boom thing for the past few years. But I think that we should just give a chance to them. After all, you really do not know how to run a country now do you? I mean come on, even your college assignments or your school work are hard to handle for now. If you talk much about the whole mess, it is similar to not "walk the talk."

The cliché of this is that: you can't live in a lying government. O is that the best you can come up with? Don't come running to me and say that you are not living in a lie yourself. I mean, you may say you want to be involved in an activity just because it is your will. Free will. Being an idealist, I don't believe in a free will. There are always factors involved. So when you tell me you don't live a lie, you then are lying right this instance.

The board of censorship in the nation is always opposing of "obscene" acts, videos etc. It is a little bit of good old entertainment for God's sake. Obviously they are afraid that it would somehow affect the society especially the fragile and vulnerable youth. But don't you think it is a little bit too much? They often censor the awful truth of the world. Maybe I am a little be carried away by the notion of Art for Art sake.

If they really want to go around promoting the "obscene-free" notion, then they should just really shut down all the nightclubs around town. I have not experience a night-out in the clubs but I just assume that most of them are our youth, discovering themselves with the help of alcohol or boost of temporary "Utopian" world. I know they are just having fun being teenagers and you adults. O FUN!

It is after all the art of socializing. Something I never really master in. But the saddest thing of all; most of them are from the Muslim family. If the government really want to help, then there wouldn't have wealthy Muslim authorities, or the old married Muslim VIPs at the night clubs sticking out their dicks for a one night stand with these college girls.

But my religion teaches me to obey the authority and the government (Surah Al-Anfal: 60). And if you too at the slightest bit a Muslim, I think you should too be apart of this race. O I get it, you just fight for your right as a Muslim, but never really do what Muslims do. You know, the whole drinking and casual sex scene.

And I don't know why, it really bothers me to know that students who don't really participate their heart and soul in the academic world, are the ones that anticipate to scream their lungs out and celebrate or party or whatever it is they do after examinations. Somebody please knock some sense in their empty heads.

May peace be upon you my ever faithful ones.

Friday, August 10, 2007

You, me against the world.



things they get involved to not be "in the crowd".
(Picture copyright by Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly.)

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

The Utopian like world.

"I was blank. Anybody can fill me in."
Astrid; White Oleander.

Often you see people fighting against another being, be it the government, the authority or someone more superior maybe even inferior to them. Why? Things are usually not done right. They do not act coherently with the laws or 'it's just not the way things are meant to be'. Then let me ask you; what is right?

I believe that there lives and 'Utopian' like world in every individuals which lives in the mind itself. People often argue for the right thing. When things are not done right by the government; stand notions flooding the world wide web, promoting their idealism to the way the government should lead. Why? Because lives a 'Utopian' like world in them, promoting the perfect world with the perfect system and all.

If you ask me personally about the whole political chaos, I would probably say; I'm too young to say anything. Plus, I'm just an insignificant growing Malaysian. But you can try to paint the picture I'm trying to tell.

The ones who have high courage to promote their idealism about the corruptions that work their way in the government; might just bring them on top of the world or down low in the rut. After all, what is a Malay cuisine without its sambal belacan?

Funny thing is, all the political chaos only drives me to the issue of how would they know if its not right and what they stand for is right? I mean c'mon, we all know that life itself is very subjective. If you ask me, I think that everywhere you go in the world, would at least contain to the very tiny bit of corruption. So why the big fuss?

I reckon that most of us at least suffer from any form of corruption or anything that is similar to it. So for one to make a haste about this its as if they are the perfect being to make a fuss. It is as if they deserve to have the limelight and act according to their idealism.

Sure everybody has his/her own voice to speak off. I'm not saying that I oppose you to the very maximum. I respect your voices and by all means, your idealism you try to promote. Heck, those are the ones that ignite my words. It is just that; life is very subjective, anybody can fill you in.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


.. And Beautiful.

"I've been watching your world from afar, I've been trying to be where you are, and I've been secretly falling apart. To me, you're strange and you're beautiful. You'll be so perfect to me but you just can't see. You turn every head but you don't see me. I've put a spell on you; you fall asleep when I put a spell on you." AQUALUNG.

love at first sight.

Yes I know I've approached this topic again and again, but trust me, it never dries among the people. However, again I am going to question about love at first sight. And personally, I've never believed it this. But when you said infatuation, oh perhaps attracted physically maybe yes. But to fall in love right that instant, maybe most probably seems not logical to me. Of course, love at first sight seems so ideal and yes, I might say that you might have fallen for someone at the first glimpse. ( =D ) Well, if you're a sucker for this kind of stuff or perhaps on the subject love; I suggest you to press this link below. It's some kind of a "indie" short film. WORTH WATCHING, for me at least.


the boy and the girl.


"What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness."
Brandon Bloyd.

With all my might I wish to greet you with lovely greetings and welcome you to the world once again. THE WORLD AND YOU. Excuse me for approaching the same old issue of the reality and yourself. By posting these, I hope it may help me generate my brain, mind or whatever for this coming final paper. Also, I hope it may some sort of enlightenment for you.

The ancient Greek philosopher, Plato has concluded that in this world, or perhaps reality, there are 2 worlds; the visible world that is constantly changing and the invisible world that is permanent. What are these two worlds you ask?

Well, the visible world is the world that lay befor
e your eyes, the one that you thought was filled with joy and happiness and colors that are bright. Why did Plato suggested that the world is constantly changing? You see, compare now and the days during Plato's time? Civilization. So then civilization is where people try to outgrow the people before them. Sure it gives the same basic idea by your mind which is the invisible world that is permanent, but these form of civilization that has already been implied to the visible world change.

If you can recall your Islamic history, before the Prophet Mohammad S.A.W came, the people was in a "jahiliah" time where men are in a "women feast", girls are buried alive, and drink alcohol like fishes drink water. So then the Islamic civilization came, teaching people the right way of living their lives; women are not sex slaves nor toys, girls are precious and alcohol distorts you sanity. Yes it is true once Islam was such a holy religion. Of course I believe it is still a holy one, and anyone who was or is born a Muslim is very lucky. But as civilization grew from another era to another, it seems like we're going back to where we have started. But the idea of civilization is to be better than the people before us. So tell me, how can this be civilization?

Sure you might say; "This is the modern era, stop
being so ancient". You might also say that the form of civilization has changed to adapt to the modern culture which is driven by the art, politics, society, economy etc. Thus, we have a modern civilization where sky-scrappers are the replacement to the Orde Kosmos as a symbol of pride or so wealth. And that is exactly my point; the invisible world
(the mind) still promotes the same basic idea of a subject, however, the visible world betrays the unseen world by coloring a whole new form modified from the basic idea. Seems like; lembu punya susu, sapi yang dapat nama.

Plato laid on the platter the idea that humans are consist of three main divisions; reason, appetite (desires) and emotions (spirit). Humans often reason, but might be wise or the other way round. Desires are to be fulfilled to achieve a satisfied state. And emotions often distort or trigg
ers rationality.

Lets take a man who is thirsty and there is a glass of poison lay in front of him. For obvious reason, the man reason not to drink, thu
s opposing his desire for it is a poison glass. So now isn't it clear that there are at least 2 main divisions of human? Now lets say a wife who has just been betrayed by the loving husband, thus she's going through angst and the desire to avenge her husband is sky high. She then commits homicide which later distorts her rational reasoning.

Who or what drives all these human activity? Is it the body or the mind? If you ask me, agreeing with Plato, it is the mind that drives the human activity and the body is nothing more like a device to channel its ever constant ideas. It is like the electricity that drives electrical goods. Or like the mother supporting the baby in the womb. The ultimate nature of human is the mind and the mind itself. Without the mind (soul), ideas are not generated, and humans just do not function. Like laying down in the Intensive Care Unit in a coma. And the visible world is nothing more than a product of the mind.

Between me and Allah S.W.T.

The enlightenment.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I know I believe this kind of craps are totally not worth doing. However, I'm bored up to my toes, and philosophy is just running in circles.

a) Bold the statements that are true to you.
b) Italicize the statements that you WISH are true.
c) Leave the fibs alone.

Then, stab 3 people to do the same test...

1) I miss somebody right now.
2) I do not watch tv these days.
3) I wear glasses or contact lenses.
4) I love to play video games.
5) I have tried marijuana.
6) I have been in a threesome.
7) I believe honesty is the best policy.
8) I have changed mentally from last year.
9) I curse.
10) I’m totally smart.
11) I’ve broken someone’s bones.
12) I’m paranoid sometimes.
13) I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
14) I need money right now.
15) I love sushi.
16) I talk really, really fast.
17) I have long hair.
18) I have lost money in Las Vegas.
19) I have at least one sibling.
20) I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
21) I couldn’t survive without Caller ID.
22) I like the way I look.
23) I am usually pessimistic.
24) I have a lot of mood swings.
25) I have a hidden talent.
26) I am always hyper.
27) I have a lot of friends.
28) I have pecked someone of the same sex.
29) I enjoy talking on the phone.
30) I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
31) I love to shop.
32) Enjoy window shopping.
33) I would rather shop than eat.
34) I don't hate anyone.
35) I’m a pretty good dancer.
36) I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
37) I have a cell phone.
38) I believe in God.
39) I am an adrenaline junkie.
40) I watch MTV on a daily basis.
41) I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
42) I’ve rejected someone before.
43) I want to have children in the future.
44) I have changed a diaper before.
45) I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
46) I'm not allergic to anything.
47) I have a lot to learn.
48) I’m shy around members of the opposite sex.
49) I have made a move on a friends’ significant other or crush in the past.
50) I have tried alcohol before.
51) I own the South Park Movie.
52) I would die for my best friend.
53) I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
54) I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
55) I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
56) Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
57) I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
58) I am happy at this moment!
59) I’m obsessed with girls/guys.
60) I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
61) I study for tests most of the time. 62) I am comfortable with who I am right now.
63) I have more than my ears pierced.
64) I walk barefoot wherever I can.
65) I have jumped off a bridge.

66) I love sea turtles.
67) I spend ridiculous money on makeup.
68) Plan on achieving a major goal & dream.
69) I’m proficient in a musical instrument.
70) I hate office jobs.
71) I love sci-fi movies.
72) I think water rules.
73) I went college out of state.
74) I like sausages.
75) I love kisses.
76) I fall for the worst people.
77) I adore bright colours.
78) I can’t live without black eyeliner.
79) I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
80) I usually like covers better than originals.
81) I can pick up things with my toes.
82) I can whistle.
83) I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither.

84) I have ridden/owned a horse.
85) I still have every journal I’ve written in.
86) I can’t stick to a diet.
87) I talk in my sleep.
88) I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions.
89) I have jazz in my blood.
90) Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time.
91) I wear a toe ring.
92) I can’t stand at LEAST one person that I work with.
93) I am a caffeine junkie.
94) I cosplay or know what cosplaying is.
95) I have been to over 15 conventions.
96) I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better.
97) I’m an artist.
98) I only clean my room when necessary.
99) I like a person of the same sex.
100) I love being happy.

P/s: Updates? Much later I reckon, after Friday most prolly, finals!

The loyal friend.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time


One of the good tunes on my list. Cheers.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007


"You are the call and I am the answer. You are the wish, and I the fulfillment. You are the night, and I the day. What else? It is perfect enough. It is perfectly complete. You and I."

D.H. Lawrence.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007


"Reality, however, has a sliding floor."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Selamat pagi Malaysia. Kini aku telah dilahirkan sebagai anak jati Malaysia. Tapi apa itu Malaysia? Bukankah asalnya dia akan tetap mempunyai komponen yang sama dan jati walau diberi nama yang lain. Seperti sasterawan terkenal, William Shakespeare telah ungkapkan di dalam pementasan cinta beliau yang amat dikenali, Romeo and Juliet :
" Juliet: What is there in a name? Whatever name we may call a rose by it would smell as sweet.."
Jadi pada pagi ini, ingin aku mengcungkilkan lagi buah pemikiran aku.

Flaws flaws and more flaws. What's there in the true reality? What is reality anyway? Is it your dream? Or is it your life? What? Is it only when sensed by your sensory? Or is it what the majority has implement in our daily lives? Is it us leading our passion or us doing what they want? Or simply us living to be in the race as well?

Let me ask you my dear readers, how do you know what is here, what is already laid out is the real truth? How do you really know that the tree is really a tree? Scientifically, of course you would explain all from the stems to the chlorophyll which makes it green. But how do you really know it is really a tree but not a flower? Just because someone from the past has named it a tree, and voila, it is a tree. But what is the pure truth? Truth. Like what we have religiously follow throughout our lives, leading lives based on what the authority has set. Isn't a line is already drawn out for you? How do you know that the God you are following right now is the real truth? Please do no misunderstand me, I am not trying to condemn other religions other than mine, I'm just questioning as a thinking being, just how do you know it is the real truth?

Like you can't certified all of these pass down "folklore" teachings like the SIRIM certifies our electrical goods. No. Is it real what are written in your books? Is it real what is written in your History books? Is it real what is written about your religion? Metaphysical stuffs. Things that are abstract and it is beyond our ability to discover the whole real truthful answer.

Today, frankly I state that for the first time, I am terrified by life. I am terrified of the truth, I am terrified with the world. Just everywhere is filled with little holes of flaws. The world is selfish. Let me tell you this, look at yourself then stare at the people around you, read the papers, watch the TV, and think, what is true? What is reality?

How do YOU know? JUST HOW?
For all you know, tomorrow rises up a man that stands and summon his people that they should bow to him, as he is truth, he is the creator, he is real, he is..

"Do you swear to state about nothing but the truth and the only truth?"
"I swear to state about nothing but the truth and the only truth."

"In this world, there are 3 truths, your truth, my truth and the whole truth."