Friday, November 28, 2008

The light.

Always have been trying to see the theme and coherence of my blog, and then I realized, with all the themes and similar topics I have been writing; I realized, its a continuation, a series, a collection.

You know, a series of my everyday life and how I have perceived the events from time to time, day to day.

A year ago it was that, and a year later, it is this. How wonderful life can be eh? We learn and grow, even unexpectedly.

Much love people, finals. Soon, soon!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Top of the Pop

Tentang Kita, C.

Di mana kaca yang bersepihan?
Biar aku, pijakkan.
Di mana taufan yang bertiupan?
Biar aku, tadahkan.
Kerna semua, sudah tiada ertinya,
tentang cinta, sudah tiada maknanya.
Tentang kita,
elok dilupakan semua.

Di mana laut yang bergelora?
Kan ku redah semua.
Di mana letaknya cinta kita?
Kan ku pijak semua.
Kerna semua, sudah tiada ertinya,
tentang cinta, sudah tiada maknanya.
Tentang kita,
elok dilupakan semua.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Thy beliefs.

Back when Laser Discs were part of the luxurious life, I had the opportunity to enjoy my Disney Princesses and Mary Poppins with them. Not forgetting Batman, Star Wars and Jurassic Park. My papa surely did provide them for me.

But there were certain LDs that were off boundaries namely Original Sin, where my fellow growing guy cousins were so hyped out about. They were growing teenagers, mind you. But there was this LDs that caught my eye. Simply because the box was so intense. Nah, nothing physically obscene as Original Sin though.

I do not know what's it called, but the illustration of the box was this beardy man, holding a cross up high to the sky. And the whole box was in red. I knew I had to watch this movie.

Being five, I wasn't allowed to. I asked why? The answer fall between the realms of Jesus, God, and not suitable for kids your age. Well, just yet. I guess they were afraid I would turn my baby faith towards God.

Last night on television, I came across this advertisment of an Indonesian sinetron. Mind you, it is not your average Bawang Merah, Bawang Putih sinetron. It is actually about questioning faith. Questioning, provoking, challenging your faith. Namely Islam.

I told Mama, they have such guts to make such sinetron! I think she took it wrongly and said, 'Indonesians kan?; Whatever that is supposed to mean. I meant, they were very brave. The ad showed excerpts of the drama, a man praying in a telekung at the woman's section. He got chased out of the masjid, and he had this heaty argument with the Pak Imam, pointing shouting at the sky. And I'm surprised it is not banned knowing our censorship board. Probably under, 'having the potential to menyesatkan fellow Muslims'?

Nah. I think it is good really. It helps them to think more. It helps us to realize about Mazhabs, and what are they really? Follow the norms that are preached or follow the sole teachings without any Mazhabs in tact?

I once asked my friend, 'what if at the end of the day, a man rises from the crowd and claims that he is the savior. He is the messiah. He is the messenger. He reasons out God, which ironically God can't be reasoned out.?' What would happen?

I don't know. You tell me. Did Papa make the right move to not let me watch that LD back when I was five? What if I had watched it, I'm sure I would enjoy it. Although I would be too young to understand deeply, but at least it would not leave me wondering 14 years down the road, 'how is that movie like, really?'.

It's funny isn't it? We're finding elements that would help us define our religious faith? It's not that I'm questioning my faith or anything, it's just that, you know, you would want to strengthen it, and wonder deeply. Why this, and not that? I want that bloody movie damnit.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dear all,

Jane is so damn malas to write.
Harap maklum.

We'll meet each other soon, yeah?
Jangan lari.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The way you make me feel.

I love the way you read my mind and my theories altogether.
and when you speak, you utter words of perfect sense.
I love it when I get to read you inside and out,
and the more I read, the more I fall.
I love the way you strengthen me,
and how you reassure me with confidence.
I love it when I draw lines and circles on your smooth texture,
and how you allow me to explore the boundaries.
I love it when you're always patient with me,
when my divided attention is given to you,
and also when you always allow me to perceive you again.
I love you for the way you make me feel.

Oh, I love you, buku teks The Ethics of Professional Practice. (Richard D. Parsons).

Did I tell you I'm in love with psychology? :)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Reality, and its sliding floors?

(Copy, paste from FB note as usual)

"Reality however," Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "has a sliding floor".

Indeed. Talk about how reality "is soo 2007". Of course, to be absolutely sure of what reality is, we could debate forever. But, I hold close to Berkeley.

However, its not really about that. Similar like drawing the lines between Love and Life, one should also draw the lines between the realms of the cyberworld, and the real world. From the social context.

The social realm has evolved from time to time. First it was drawings on the walls of a cave, the next thing you know, telegrams were awesome, telephones beat postcards, and now, Internet rises above all.

Of course, no doubt they are efficient, fast, everything at your fingertips. The words like Google, blog, FB are adapted to your daily vocabulary.

In the morning, you check your facebook account. Before you sleep, you check your facebook account. You update your status almost every time you have something to share with the world. Really, facebook is probably a tool that help you communicate with your pals even when you're away from them.

So, they are kinda there even if they are not there. And you don't really feel lonely.

I mean, even if you are talking to them on MSN or any other online IMs applications, you still tend to talk to them on facebook via replying comments, status updates and such. Kenapa?

Also, you know where you need to tell people something, and you don't really want to tell them directly, you tend to post those metaphors online - blogs, status updates etc. I mean, if I post a lyric of a song, siapa yang akan terasa/perasan after reading the lyrics right?

Why do it online, indirectly?

Like me, I could have a couple of hundred friends in my account, but really, how many of them are really my friends and not mere acquaintances? You know, the ones that you really laugh and cry with? The ones that you wonder deeply about life and shit. The ones that you'd really see during your graduation, your wedding, labor bla bla bla.

Because we all know the social world like the real world orbits around. Your hang out friends change like seasons do whilst your closed, loved friends are living their lives like yourself. Fine, then online social network should remain as just that. Not a tool where you put your life on. You might as well put your life on a rock and roll band.

Maybe facebook should distinct the friends list and the acquaintance list?

Oh well, tapi nak buat macam mana. I check my facebook account before I sleep, and when I wake up. And, the Internet is very useful anyways. So what the heck. As long as you perceive it to be, then you believe in it. Your call, really.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

A hundred million suns.

All or nothing policy.

I guess at some point, we would have to accept that Love is indeed one of the foundations in life. You know, the one that would light your world like a hundred million suns. But that's just it, peers and friends kept telling me tales of their love lives. They are good and all, of course.

But sometimes you know, it's just different when you are the one listening to all the stories. You get the view from afar, you get to munch on your popcorn and enjoy the drama. Because you aren't exactly the actors on the stage.

When lovers leave, they somehow leave these little stains that even the strongest chemical like Mr. Muscle would not wipe them off. Even if they fade, there are that stubborn spots that are still there. But you know, you learn from there. Lovers, they teach you how to love.

The tendency of people to mix the pot between Love and Life, is very high. You know, the whole 'exclusive dating' and getting serious and shit. As far as I have heard, and learned perhaps, the definitions of 'exclusive dating' tend to be distorted along the way. Of course, if we put subjectivity in definitions differ. But generally, the definitions of 'exclusive dating' are pretty similar. For instance, a partner should not cheat. However, young lovers and maybe the aged lovers tend to distort the definitions of exclusivity.

Its bad enough when a lover lives his life for you and you live your own life.

I guess people seem to forget that lovers complement each other, they are that supplementary vitamins a person should consume and feed onto. Lovers by all means are not the one that you should be living for, but should be living with.

See how people tend to mix between living for and living with? People tend to combine 'teaching their lovers how to live right' and 'teaching their lovers how to live'. I mean, you can advice your lover, but definitely not dictate him/her. The choice is always his/hers. Unless if you're talking about a mutual thing that you share. His life is his, her life is hers.

And your life together, well that's just a mutual ground much like whatever properties/things you buy together, say if you file a divorce, they are not exactly 'our mutual grounds' anymore. Lovers fight against each other for the once upon time 'mutual grounds'. Trying to separate what are hers, and what are his. Now, put your own life to respective places.

When lovers leave, at the end of the day, you fight for your own life back. You struggle.

Peguambela? once wrote, "A guy should never make his girl to choose", and boy was he right. Well, that implies to a girl as well, a girl should never make her man choose.

I mean, its not like you people are married or anything right? Commitments are fine, but excessive commitments like having to choose between his future and you, well, let's just take a look again and make a wise decision okay?

So dear sayangs whoever that have spilled your hearts to me - you know who you people are, hang in there. Look, ponder and think okay? I'm no doctor love, but I hope this helps.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Rawak Melayu.

(Petikan dari Mukabuku Jane lagi- November 13, 8:48 p.m. )

1. Walaupun nama aku berpotensi untuk diberi nama timangan 'Nana' aku bersyukur nama timangan aku bukan 'Nana'. Bayangkan? Jikalau orang yang sedang naik berang dengan aku, diteriaknya; 'Nana!! Nana!!'. Wtf. Biar pun nama 'Siti' agak er, kampung namanya, tetapi ia lebih baik daripana 'Nana'. Entah, betul kan? Sukarang-kurangnya, jika seseorang itu marah dengan aku, kalau diteriaknya 'Siti', aku tau lah dia marah. Sebab nama timangan aku bukan 'Siti'. Kiranya 'Siti' tu dikira sebagai amaran dan tanda untuk aku melarikan diri.Sebab aku sendiri memanggil diri aku 'Siti' kalau aku tidak puas hati dengan diri sendiri. Tetapi, kalau 'Nana'? Wtf.

Tapi kalau hari-hari biasa, atau kau terserempak dengan aku, terutama sekali di tempat umum, tak payah ah nak jerit 'Siti', 'Nadrah' atau 'Nad' sudah memadai.

2. Malam-malam hujan lah aku banyak kerja kena e-melkan pada malam ini juga. Dah lah penat.

3. Aku tau kau dah bosan asyik-asyik baca nota-nota di mukabuku.

4. Pada hari hujan, para pemandu dinasihatkan untuk memandu secara berhati-hati. Maksud memandu berhati-hati itu adalah, tak payah nak perasan diri kau tu seorang pelumba haram ala Street Racer.

Kerana a) Subang banyak lampu isyarat trafik dan b) Kereta kau tak macam dalam game Need for Speed atau Midnight Racer c) Maghrib lah, bukan tengah malam.

Tapi aku tak, kalau hujan ke tak hujan, aku memang pandu kereta MPV macam Juno (cuma aku tak bunting, dan kereta MPV Juno lagi bigass) laju-laju, aku tidak sabar orangnya. Namun. memandangkan minda aku sedang berfungsi dalam 'Slowmode', maka dengan itu, aku memandu dengan perlahan. Kalau tidak, aku memang berangan aku Street Racer, tetapi dengan MPV lah, boleh?

Memandu pulang dari kampus dalam kelajuan 40 km/j hingga ke 60 km/j. Kalau boleh, aku mengharapkan perjalan pulang jauh lagi. Aku hendak layani Snow Patrol, dan Bloc Party dalam renyaian rahmat. Aku tidak mahu pulang, walaupun aku penat dan memerlukan katil yang menyeru kedatangan aku. Aku tidak endahkan barisan kereta yang lain di belakang ku. Hujan, lagu, tidur, sejuk.

5. Rujuk nombor 2. Tetapi aku masih di sini, menaip. Oh alangkah malasnya cik Siti.

* Jane dan N telah diasimilasikan menjadi suatu entiti yang mutual. 'Nana' pula, kemungkinan the alter ego of Jane? Tah lah.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Sambung-sambung lah kita semua.

(Taken from Jane's facebook Note: November 12, 2008)

The first memory I remember of the excitement over associations was when my primary school years. Mutual friends, our parents who are (were) friends. You knew each other all along, only then you were much much younger. And now, we're strangers in our own world. Friends who turn out to be relatives.

And then it grows along with us. The introduction of Friendster. Interlinks, a friend of a friend which eventually would lead to a mutual friend. 'What a small world', 'Lah kau kenal dia jugak ke?' etc. Day by day, these words dah basi.

Tell me something new.

That's just it. Association is probably one of Life's wonders. You see, a system works miraculously with the sum of its parts. Without its tiny particles, a system is nothing. A system malfunctions. Hence, things are made to associate one another. Complement, interlink, integrate, relationships, bridge dan sebagainya.

Take the human body for example, we have several systems that are associated to one another. We have the circulatory system that regulates the Oxygen, Carbon Dioxide, Hemoglobin throughout our body. The circulatory system is facilitated by our respiratory system, inhale the tiny particles and such. The interlinks continue on and on.

Semantic networks. One information exhibits another information. A priori is provoked whenever a related information is perceived. Like how numbers are basically the same, only that they are divided into detailed categories such as Calculus, Algebra yada yada yada. But when you try to find the starting point, well, you can't really find. But somehow, one way or the other they are related.

Or like how your frames of references are similar and related to your current phase of life.

Maybe today the song "Sidedish Friend" associate with your current state, but yesterday, "Bleeding Love" associate the most.

Funny. How people relate to each other but yet they classify themselves into categories. Racial discrimination, income discrimination, academic standings discrimination. Or social butterfly, losers, jocks, cheerleaders. Funny, how politicians associate themselves as 'Common People' but they still have their Elite group. The big, bald Ds.

Maybe this is what they meant by 'the Circle of Life'. A single continuation line. The starting point? Kau pusing-pusing pun tak dapat cari. Kan dah pening.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

One odd end with energetic beats.


"You are the bluest light," Bloc Party


Aspiring rockstars and the light.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Catching up with the fast lane.

"I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own," SP.

A couple of days ago have been such joyful days. Yes, of course it is good. I'm in love with life. Life loves me, although subtly. But it does not matter, because I'm living life. Embracing life. Whatever that comes along the way, Alhamdulillah, I can still absorb and adapt to the subsequent events of life.

But that's just the problem.

I'm living a little too loud, leaving this poor conscience of mine tired. I'm catching up with the fast lane. It is not a bad thing or anything, but sometimes, when I heard the words that have been uttered out of my mouth, well, it caught me by surprise.

I am catching up with the f* fast lane.

It comes along with juicy gossips and all the bitching. Well, bitching sounds awfully harsh, it's not like I WANT to, but uh, I guess I got caught. Like, 'Oh look at her hair' or 'Omg what is she wearing?' or 'Omg I should dress up like a phony for halloween' and a couple more of 'OMG THIS' and 'OMG THAT'.

I remember when I was 16 I got really annoyed when a girl from my past bitch about people. I would always think that she thinks she's so perfect. You know, for her to comment such judgments towards the girls around her. I mean, yeah. Tengok diri sendiri dulu lah kan?

Just because the other party has a wardrobe malfunction (to your eyes, not hers and maybe not others), does not mean you're much more superior than the person. You see how subjectivity could do us harm?

I'm living too loud. I hate catching up with the fast lane a little too fast.

Fast paced daily routines tire me. You're at one place in the morning, and you're at a different place in the afternoon, and the next thing you know, you're out of your comfort zone. Driving along a stranger's street. These streets, they're not mine, they're yours.

I inhale deeply, sat and look around. We are all lucky. Think of the people who are not even capable to even set a foot on these grounds. Think of the people who can't even taste this delicious RM 1 vanilla ice-cream, or this RM4.90 Daim Cake, or even RM1.50 free flow soft drink.

We are lucky, to even drive all the way here just to take a stroll along these pseudo living rooms. Let your fingers slid different materials of cloth, pretty designs of all the little things. We are lucky.

But yet, here I am. Wishing to be wealthy one day, just so I can furnish my house the way I want it just to make it look classy, pretty and all that are similar. Here I am, trying to work my ass off so that I could own a nice modern home, a nice car, pretty expensive clothes. Here I am, knowing well that this is my passion but yet having that little innate urge to earn that luxurious living.

Here I am, trying to be thankful, wishing that I have a magic wand so that the world is brighter for the unfortunates. Although I know well that even if they appear unfortunate to us, but to the very least they are happy, content and thankful. And yet here I am, secretly still wanting all of the above.

So here we are.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

When most are out there supporting Man United, Jane is:

Wondering and I must ask you, don't you get bored of reading blogs? Especially this particular one. I feel like I'm drying out. And the themes for every posts are similar.

But still, I love to write. So how?

Friday, November 07, 2008

The art of beauty.


The other lives of these teenage girls.

Fly my love, fly.

Jane dalam usaha mengkomersialkan blog.

Breaking the habit.

(Lama tak dengar Hujan).

You know, from the previous post below, I can't seem to really tell what's my bad habit. I mean, you think its your bad habit. But other might not thing that it is your habit. Esse est percipi.

I can't help but to think, about our habits.

As we know, time changes as season changes. Acquaintances, or 'friends' change from time to time. Flings, scandals and lovers, they come, they go. But your soul mate? Let's save it until you have really found yours.

You see, I have always been fascinated on how my daily routines changed from one week to another. I mean, yeah sure, the days in that week would be somewhat similar, but the following week, they are not exactly similar. They change.

A couple of months ago, I would go socialize with some acquaintances from college. Which by now, I have realized that I am not exactly that kind of a person who actually goes out with acquaintances and just hang out. No. I might as well do something more beneficial than wasting time, staring at each other, drinking teh-o-ais.

Today, well today, I wonder hard how 'hang out' buddies change, just like seasons do. But the closed ones remain.

How are social habits formed? From where I stand, well, I guess its pretty much influenced by the people around me. Or people that matter to me. You see, when you start to talk often to a person, you would spend more time with him/her. Like casual hang-outs, text-messages, calls etc.

I must say, it is funny how text-messaging is sooooo vital in the social context nowadays. You know like, when a guy wants to hit on a girl, he starts texting her and shit. Like 24/7. Or, how friends constantly talk to each other on text messaging. Zzz. Bad habit, bad habit. Bazir duit pun ada.

Don't get me wrong. New habits that adapt to your ever-changing lifestyle are pretty good, you see? You wouldn't want a mundane lifestyle throughout. So, habits break, forming new ones.

But what happens when a person has become your daily habit, and you don't really want it to change just yet?

Heh.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The name game.

It has been ages since I have (and want) to do this whole tag thing. But little miss Social Butterfly (Sasha Leong) had tagged me. So here goes nothing.

1. What’s your ambition?
Making the ideals of the world near possible.

2. Who is more important to you? Friends or boy/girlfriend?
Friends, well.. if I had a boyfriend, then ha ha it depends on circumstances and who needs the attention more.

3. How often do you think of committing suicide?
I'm not morbid.

4. Do you think you have enough confidence?
Er.. not really.

5. How many babies you want?
We're talking about babies already?? WOAH, slow down honey!

6. Favorite perfume/fragrance?
On me? Hah, Be Delicious. Yum.

7. What is your goal for this year?
Live life. You know, get my priorities right, maintain my grades. Learn more about life and wonder why? Change for the better.

8. Do you believe in eternity love?
Eternity love for that significant other? Bullshit. I'm sorry, but when you really think about it, technically, when you're dead, you don't even know who was(is) your significant other. And if you believe in past-life, and all that 'I think I knew you before' from your past life, ahhh I don't believe in that. Eternity love for God? Probably. Because when you die (again this is driven by my beliefs), you would be submitting yourself to God, for judgments and what not. But eternity love? Technically not possible. If you ask me true love? Maybe probably.

9. What's a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend like to u? (List 10)
Almost perfect. a) Intellectual b) Not so much of Dreamer c) Gorgeous d) Knows what he should do in life e) He loves me, duh! f) Funny g) Has a decent lifestyle h) Complements my life i) He understands and speaks my language j) He is being himself.

10.What feeling do you love most?
The feeling when I read excerpts of theories regarding my passion, and get excited over it and it reassures me that this is it. This is what I really want to do.

11. What is your bad habit?
Not knowing exactly what my bad habit is, because I think I have tons.

12. Is there anything you wanna tell the ppl who hates you?
Be merry!

13. Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Of course, they have socially mold me.

14. What does flying means to you?
Get cape. Wear cape. Fly

15. What do you crave for the most currently?
Soto ayam? With lots of bawang goreng, sambal kicap and begedil. Lapar doh.

16. Who do you think is hotter, Chace Crawford or Kevin Peaker?
Uh, none.

17. Describe the person who tagged you in 7 words.
Aunty, you like to dance don't you?

18.What have you done to yourself make yourself happy?
:)

19. What will u become in another 10 years to come?
29?

20. Do you reread text messages that woo-ed/affect you?
HAHA.

Instructions

Remove one question from above and add in your personal question.

Make a total of 20 questions and tag 8 people.
List them out at the end of the post.

Notify them in their cbox that they've been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

TAGGING:

1. Moron 1
2. Pink Nerd
3. Potential Hipster
4. Candies and chocolate
5. Sarah M
6. Melody O
7. Hijau, jom!
8. Little miss Chan.

Monday, November 03, 2008

This year's love, (altered)

I love, Psychology.
I'm psyched out about Schema Theory, awesome stuff.

I love, SP.
"I will race you to the waterside, And from the edge of Ireland shout out loud. So they could hear it in America. It's all for you." The planets bend between us.

Tell me this is not infatuation. Tell me this is real. Tell me.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

'Lifeboats'

Nothing beats good music, morning coffee and the urge to continue your work. And that warm fuzzy feeling inside.

It's weird that we try to define almost everything (maybe indeed everything) in life. In doing so, most of us ended up getting confused anyway.

Is it driven by our innate curiosity? Or is it because we just need to know the answers to everything?

You see, we were thought to define things first before we could proceed to next procedure. You know, the usual, define the problems. Then list all the effects and consequences, then from there, we work the solutions out.

Really, it has been that way.

But then you would have to define more abstract things such as Ethics, Justice, Love, Politics, Religion, God, and the list goes on. But the ultimate one would be Life itself.

Really, in defining these abstract entities, you could go on for your whole life, and never really find the universal, absolute answer. The usual, 'Esse Est Percipi'. Did I tell you George Berkeley is a genius? You should hold him close in your life. His principle at least.

They say Beauty Lies in the Eyes of the Beholder. And we should thank subjectivity for this. Say if 10,000 guys have the exact, absolute desires for this 1 particular girl - from the way she talks, to the way she thinks. And really, she is the only kind. Then what would happened to the rest? 10,000 to 1 for reproduction? I don't think so. So, we should really be thankful that each and every one of us are different to the eyes of the other. You may be the same like most, but that one special trait in you, make you different.

Religion? Ah, have you heard of the whole 'soon kids can choose their religion' issue? I don't know, if he/she is mature enough to tell the differences between the abstract and the physical, the reality and the ideals, or the definition of God, religion and even beliefs. Because really, what are beliefs, norms, folklore? They were inherited from the ancestors before us. And we all know along the way, these words tend to be distorted and edited.

The superior and the inferior? The 'hak ketuanan', it somehow shows that the Melayu take too much pride in their traits, in their customs. To preserve our culture, yes okay. But excessively? Soon, we'll just end up like the Germans who tried to preserve their 'Aryans' blood, just because they were one of the greatest ages ago (just like the Melayu royalties then) and who would stand up and be the F├╝hrer of Malaysia? Certainly not the defacto leader. Come on, it's 2008. Move on already.

You could read the Idiots Guide to Love or Dating. But we're talking about two different individuals perceiving one mutual abstract entity. If you act by the book, you'd be too rigid, if you feel too much, you could end up eating yourself alive. The 'rules' of love, a) How close can a guy friend be to your girlfriend? b) How do you when too much is too much? and the list goes on. How do you just know, it is what it is.

So, how do you know how to define the definitions of that particular subject? It's just weird and funny how we always tend to define things in life.

What am I talking about? There's always Pragmatic (functional) truth.

*Sometimes, words say too much.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Hulabaloo and whiny words

Sometimes, I just wish I'm half as carefree as most of the population in the entire world. Wanna know why? This is Jane, whining:

1. I know my due dates are around the corner. And yes, I'm trying to absorb a Research on Acquiring Intellectual Skills, and try to work an experiment from that. (Okay, tak complain pasal ni). BUT thing is, I am worried about the other workload and my finals, and how my grades would probably turn out not as great as the last term. And, how am I supposed to write a bloody good paper so it would blow the minds of my educators. And I'm tired of thinking on how the hell am I supposed to convince them that I, deserve a bloody A. And wonder whether my peers have the same thought on how to bridge their points and words properly and nicely just cause they could get an A, or are they just born naturally with the talent to get an A? And how the hell most of the top Dean's List students managed to get 4.0 EVERY SEMESTER? Ahhhhhh.

2. I want to print this bloody Research, but I want to save trees, I do not want to waste papers. I'd just have to read and highlight it on Microsoft Words - which really is not even half the same as reading it on a piece of paper - where I can just doodle at the blank edges.

3. Definitions are killing me.

4. I hate the fact when my mind is not exploring as deep as the friggin' ocean when the term, 'Cognitive Psychology' implies. You see? I want to be shallow and I want to be bloody hell intellectual at the same time? How is that even possible?

5. Adik was right, the human mind is a friggin' battlefield.


Believe me, I'm laughing out loud at my own whining words. Now, I shall focus on my research proposal.

And, no actually, I'm thankful with my workload, because its much lesser than my friends'. But, my mind is measuring every single details and it's killing me.

I must say, pelik aku orang tanya, 'Malam ni pergi mana?' - Just cause it's Halloween. Hello? Aku nak tido kot.