Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Let's get out of this country.

Let me tell you something wicked, something probably so familiar to you. The feeling of being in between two entities that are so well apart and polarized but blend just in the right proportion. But that is just the tricky part of it. It could be you getting the best of both ends, or it could be you being pushed into different extremes.

Take Tanah Melayu for example. Many decent decades ago Malacca has one of the best ports around. You know the whole systematic concepts and such. And even the Malay language was used dominantly. But it's no good to dwell in the past they say, and we shall not dwell. We move forward.

And forward, we have the excerpts of many polarized identities different from our own. Actually, I don't even think we have a sole identity that is truly ours. These multiple identities of ours have been evolving from time to time, perhaps in allign with social Darwinism. We adapt ourselves hence our identities in parallel with the changes of the physical world, to survive. All these alterations we make.

But like Tanah Melayu also, we are a mixture of polarized cultures. Both the Eastern and Western teachings or perhaps fundamentals, principles, ideologies. I don't know, maybe a schema that we somewhat abide to. The whole nurtured or natured fundamentals of our souls and conscience. The ones that derived us to act or speak as such.

The thing is that, it could be the best of both ends or it could be the other way round. The clash of two different extremes that aren't proportionately mixed, causing such bad chemical reaction of different cultures, ideologies, fundamentals and identities.

Like Tanah Melayu (perhaps Malaysia) too, being in between of two polarized ends could end up in exaggerated gestures of political dramas, social fluctuations or anything as sort. These kind of things in our daily lives that need our reflections between who we are, who we can be, or who we want to be.

The different colors of the pH scale, like the different aspects of our fundamentals. The two ends of the pH scale, one may be too acidic and otherwise. Although neutral sounds good, but don't tell me you want to end up colorless the rest of your numbered days?

Obviously, it is not about the country. It is about the individual.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Now my feet won't touch the ground.

The search for novelties was rather interesting. Well it should be interesting that the whole search had made me feel rather different. Different, but not entirely. You know? Even the emptiness inside isn't precisely empty nor entirely full. So it is probably somewhat like an undefined state not completed by the experts, a state that probably is in between the state of half empty or half full.

The undefined state. Some might say it is somewhat being like a zombie. You're not occupied but you're not that preoccupied either. Or perhaps it could be senseless, only it is not entirely senseless as hot is still hot, cold is still cold. Everything remains the same but not quite everything is still the same.

Where phone calls are preferably screened, and text messages unworded further.

The condition where daily routines are just what they are or perhaps just like how they were, only as the minutes and hours had passed they do not give me much annoyance. And routines don't entirely get to my nerves. The state where the future is near, and possible plans are plotted semantically but the boost of motivation hasn't done much boosting at all. Where roads of the past are travelled unconsciously.

Where deliberations of inhibiting are made. Possibly exhibited by a mixture of both the will and force.

So dear good sir/madam, if you do know such state or find it rather familiar, would you be kind enough to share your experience with me?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Maybe novelties.

Maybe, this is what it is about you know? Questioning the ideals, the beyond reach. The things that are so high up, so clear, so wide. Maybe even sacred.

But with one condition, we need to try to keep our feet on the ground while trying to reach the distant ideals. Of course, some cheat by building sky scrappers and some send men in white suits to explore the ideals. But many of us, we are just common people. Not much of power, not much of overloaded bank accounts.

So how do we really reach the ideals from these grounds?

I am just dried out of the right words. Maybe because I deliberately inhibted the connotations of my words.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Mein kampf und Neuheiten

Mungkin begini lumrah menjangkau usia yang selanjutnya. Konsep kehidupan yang basi akan rutin harian, dan on repeat. Yang menyerapkan inti-inti kebosanan dalam diri kita. Membuat kita mula menyoal akan pembaharuan, akan the other greener side. Dan yang paling kritikal, menyoal akan the self.

Mungkin kita tidak bersendirian di dalam perjuangan-perjuangan yang memakan diri kita secara fizikal mahupun abstrak. Tetapi kita bersendirian melayani kerenah dan intipati yang kompleks di dalam kepala otak masing-masing kerana manusia berbeza. The f differences that differ us all.

Dari mana datangnya keyakinan terhadap the self dalam seseorang?

Pengajaran yang tersirat tentu diselitkan di antara rutin-rutin harian yang mula membasi. Namun cabaran untuk menghadapi rutin-rutin harian dipenuhi dengan perasaan cinta dan benci. The classic love-hate relationship. Inti kehidupan yang tidak berjawapan, the source of your drive and motivation is the very source to suck you dry.

Punca motivasi seseorang tidak mempunyai batasan atau had penghadang. Punca-punca motivasi ini terdiri daripada punca fizikal, abstrak ataupun kedua-duanya. You know, the whole essences like love and sorts or physical ones.

Dan kita mulai bergantung erat akan punca-punca motivasi (dan demotivasi) sampai ke tahap kita sandar dan menjadi dependent akan punca-punca ini. Membolehkan sumber-sumber ini bercampur aduk dengan identiti kita yang berbilang.

You are apart of me, hence you have a piece of me. 

Dan apabila hubungan klasik di dominasi oleh aspek benci, dan memanipulasi aspek cinta kemungkinan untuk kehilangan the ideal self meningkat. Penglihatan kita kabur. 

And that is when Novelties would save your conscience. Persekitaran yang asing membuka aspek yang baru kepada kita tidak kira bagaimana sikit atau banyaknya unsur asing tersebut. Memberi faktor-faktor baru untuk dipertimbangkan. Memberi pengertian kepada rutin harian. 

Memberi pengajaran tentang the self. 

Sunday, May 10, 2009


Do you feel like you are alive at this very moment?

Friday, May 01, 2009

Kalau saya nak lari.

Maybe I should change to a new blog. What do you think?

Sort of like a new race, only not entirely new. But it somehow contradicts the whole principle you know?

But look at the blog's address. I think tis' a sign of aging.