When Muslim men performed their Friday prayers,

So I went out for lunch with mother, only she had eaten and decided to walk around, leaving me to eat. Fine with me really. And so I did. Surrounded by many ladies in their floral, colorful baju kurung and hijab. Oh boy, really I didn't feel out of place. Yeah right.

Call me judgmental or bias, or polarized.

I felt they're having their eyes on me, exploring every inch of my hair. When really, its still in its natural color, not the ones with super-brown color. Ehem. Perasan. Yes perhaps. I just felt, inadequate. I don't fit in when our faiths are quite similar.

My phone rang, kido. Yes, so basically, the conversation revolves around phonies at school. What's new? Phonies here, phonies there. They make our world more exciting. I knew the lady next to me was particularly staring at me, only because I talked in English, with a little melayu words, like, "kan", "sial", "gila". Almost like saying, "budak ni agaknya lupa agama kot.. tak Melayu.. Pengaruh Barat barangkali.. Budak membesar kat bandar.." etc. etc.

Then at another table, 4 ladies having their meals in a square table, 3 in hijabs and 1 not. Her hair color? Much like mine, still in natural color. But odd thing is, the three in hijabs were eating using fork and spoon but my dear kakak who is not fully covered, was eating with her bare hands and mind you, they were all eating rice. So what? Lagi melayu agaknya. Just the beauty that captured my eye.

Then I wondered, when would I indulge the art of hijab, to indulge one step deeper in my religion, my faith.

I ask you one thing dear reader, I saw a woman in a hijab, with a shemale pushing their trolley. Then it occur to me: does one vow to the hijab because its a protocol, a uniform or because they surrender their hearts and souls to Allah S.W.T, to Islam?

You see, to wear a hijab merely is not to "cover" up because as Muslim women, its mandatory. But when its mandatory, it doesn't mean you wear the hijab, you could still live a "liberal", a "modernize" life. A religious life that you adapt to the time, to the era. Wearing, vowing yourself to the hijab, is sacred. You have to perform you 5 pillars devotedly - especially the basic 5 times prayers.

Like the woman I saw with her faithful shemale companion, I wondered, does she even try to dakwah to her fellow friend? Does she not know that its haram, berdosa besar for a man to even try to look like a woman? Oh I'm sure she does, they taught us in our PMR-SPM text books repeatedly. But you know, I guess its her responsibility as well to guide her friend into the path right in the Islamic context, in the eyes of Allah S.W.T. To see her and him to walk buying groceries, I wonder what she thinks of him. I wondered for her: as a woman wearing a hijab, who performs her duties as a Muslim devotedly, will she by any chance help him? Or would she just be mere friends, just as that.

After all, these are all sacred duties.

Swings,

Strawberry Swings,
People, trusting the cables. Not falling.

Fall,
If I was not home, and I was in my mind,
there would be dried leaves on the ground.

The air would be chilly, and the leaves would keep on falling.

If I was not home, and I was in my mind,
strangers would pass by, not say hello,
people I know would be distant.

Fall,
If I was not home, and I was in my mind,
the streets would not be familiar, subtle about the past.

The air would be chilly, leaves falling and me still me.

If I was not home, and I was in my mind,
the abstract entities would still be the same,
the physical may lie.

Fall.

Extensions,

Because I have a big-fertile family. After having yet another nephew, my aunt, coincidently on her birthday gave birth to her 6th kid. So yes, I have a new baby cousin.

Nizua Imran Haqeem.
Name courtesy of Mama, adik and me. :)

Money, one man's poison, Jane's cry for help.

What's in a bill note?

I know I sound so stupid to be you know all emotional and tied down with the whole money madness. Even the economy is bad. Even the petrol price is sky high sans the 1st September hype about lowering the petrol price. Basically, the cost of living is increasing by the day. Just the other day, mother was saying that the Enfagrow or was it er Snow-T powder milk costs up to Rm60++ today and back during her kids were infants, they only cost Rm20++.

From the textbooks I've learned that little beads used to signify one's status quo, used to be a symbol of one's greatness. And if I'm not mistaken and correct me if I'm wrong, it used to be er money or some sort? Then came the coins back during the Greek era and it grew from there. Who could forget the inflation due to excessive circulation of Duit Pokok Pisang? Foolish Japs. But then, tis' was ages ago. Japanese Yen have ever since has possessed one of the highest currency rate. But now, it's these paper notes you have. Darn these paper notes.

Think about it, even a primary relationship that consists of two interdependent partners could argue about this whole divisions in the financial department. Even siblings could greed over their deceased parents' inheritance.

Politics. This is a whole different story, and much more hectic since it involves the country's welfare. And, it involves both power and money. Corruption? "Saya Anti-Rasuah"? Read this: BULL SHIT. You tell me where can you find 0 corruption - sans Mecca, the holy land. Nama pun holy land.

I mean, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEIR STUPID HUMANE QUALITIES?

Lets take the classic: The whole feud between siblings about the fight of the inheritance. I mean, what the fuck are these people thinking man? Fine yes they have their own financial crisis and all that bull. Again, this is an easy way out. Who doesn't want an easy way out? Its the fastest way and the most foolish and ignorant people would agree to this. Because they're stupid. They do not know how to fall and stand on their two feet.

Spoon fed, biasa lah. Too immune with all the extra helps given until they have forgotten how to stand on their own.

Funny thing is, is how these people would push the boundaries to bring their opponents down. They shout, they scream, pushing away their rationalities. What ever happened to Love? They are in some ways, standing for their rights yes. But it could always be done in a proper manner.

I might be months late, but to sell that house without informing the "legal" and "rightful" people first not days or weeks after, is just well, inhumane I would say.

It does not matter about the whole bill notes,what is in a bill note anyway? It's the inhumane act that hurts people the most.

So basically, this whole barter system evolution has done us good no doubt because it helps you to get what you want. Not only that, people managed to "level" things up, the whole classification of pasar malam goods and designer items. You have the money, you talk. Otherwise, too bad, so sad. You pay extra for better cuttings, colors and designs. You pay mounts of money for better education. You pay more for a better design for your new luxury SoHo suite.

What ever happened to passion? What ever happen to Love, to Humane acts?

People would literally (and metaphorically) kill for money. They would burn the family ties, tight bonds between individuals to win, to satisfy their quench and greed over these bill notes. Because apparently, these mounted bill notes could buy you a better life. Sad to say, yes it can buy you a better life.

But I guess its how you approach of "buying" that better life of yours. You do not need to kill for money. You do not need to disobey the humane acts for money. You do not need to sacrifice love and bondings for money.

I can only hope that people would just realize that really, what is in this piece of bill note?

Pokok pun dah nak berkurang.

Drawing the lines,

"'Politicians should be judged on their politics. Anything else is just gossip and nonsense'"..."'Anyway. People can be weak, in their personal lives. Especially men. It makes no difference.'"

Coe, Jonanthan. The Closed Circle. (2005) London: Penguin.

I actually have things to write, but I'm in a sorry condition myself much like Malaysia. So, I'll just feed you food for your thoughts I guess.

Selamat malam.