Big Girls Don't Cry.

It's time to wrap the year up. I know you think it's still early, but well, I have nothing better to do anyway.

You know, this was suppose to be the big year for me and the others of my age. You know, being on our two feet with the new world of "excitement". Boozes and all that "good" stuff. Let me tell you this, well I am not really fond of all these "living" stuffs. It's a big deal for me, and if its not for you, well I respect it (and that's the thing). College was suppose to be the trial an(d) error thing, experimental shits. And all the grown up kids, well, its their turn to say out loud "Budak-budak baru nak up" to us. Its karma I guess - the elder ones said the same thing to them, and they say it back at us. Then, we would have the authority to say it. In fact, we already have, well to the school kids at least. Its a generation thing, really. But who gives a damn anyway?

As much arguments (mostly unintended) with much of the people in my life about this issue, well, firstly; Sorry. I'm a keras kepala kid, I see things only at my side. Its just that I have issues with these craps, but maybe at the end of the day, I have to deal with the issues with myself. Funny thing huh?

Anyhow, through routines of my daily lives well I think I've found the missing puzzle. Well, I can't really say its a complete answer since I haven't really gone through all the possible contributors. But yeah, it's better than nothing right? You know, funny thing how I didn't manage to bridge them; funny how my mind is so caged.

Well, I guess its how people want to live their lives. They do after all, learn from mistakes. Now forget Freud's Super Ego - it can eat you alive when its excessive. Thus, I guess in a way, religions and all that sacred stuffs are our super egos. You either live up to it, or you satisfy your id.

***

A friend of mine said; you should not write about life - it just goes on and on. Old stuff repeating to new words. Get what I mean? Then she said I should write about movies, that's fun stuff.

Well, I have no words against her, really. It's true. Don't you guys notice? It's the same thing repeating over and over again. Its worse than a writer's block. Not fresh.

Once in a lecture, an educator said; Don't write you emotions out. You write to educate people, not to influence them. That's what he felt, specially on religions of the world and how significant they are to lives. We pretty much had to ponder upon religions, philosophically that is.

In other words, don't pull people to stand by you. Let them think on their own, make their choices. Inspire them. Don't be fucking bias.

So dear readers; did I educate you or did I influence you to object me?

***

Love always wins. Does it?

Broad matter. Well, I've always loved these little pieces of ages ago. Be it the sad ones or the complete nuisances of life.

My love for these portions of forgotten paths is growing by the day. Making me holding them closer than ever. Hard to let go, to stand on your two feet. But I stood anyhow; regardless on how not fond I was. Not tall enough, but I stood. Watching one by one being sucked on this huge vacuum of life. Hanyut, terbang. It was between that. Full of life, yet so empty.

Me being a sentimental fool; I tear anytime I embrace this subject. Its the world I'm afraid of. It's the life before I'm afraid to let go and all the people who are in my everyday routine.

From the text book, well, they suggested that changes and inconsistency that contribute to our daily stress. That means the little things in life that are consistently changing.

Or maybe, just maybe it is the attachments and hope you placed in them. Too attached, too dear. Love. When the time comes to let go, all you can really do is just sit and watch them live. Right or wrong, hanyut or terbang - who really knows?

Funny thing how the culture we are in focuses on the future and the past. Not really the present. At least that's my adopted principle in life. Always toiling for the future. Always aiming for goals to reach. Always expecting something for tomorrow. Then I've forgotten about today, about right now, and how to live it.

Well, the past let them be what they were. And today be what they are and tomorrow, well let they'll be what they will be.

Love means letting go. And I would try to let go and live today not yesterday nor tomorrow but today. We all learn from mistakes eh? So let our foolishness take over, and let us grow from it. Let today mold us for tomorrow.

2008, I welcome you with hopes of being better. Maybe a pinch of "living", plenty of life, tons of live and well, a handful of me. Cheers 2007 and 2006 (which is pretty much still in my head!).

Love always wins right?

"Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair"

People often find things that unfold themselves for the better. You know, the ones in the movies where they play good songs along - where the role has find his/her inner strength. Does that often happen to you?

To go through the whole phase; well you need to find yourself. Be it through the tough or the easy route. Life-changing-experiences?

I read this book over the weekend: Open Your Eyes; where tales of authors unfold their journeys that had changed their lives- on how they view the world.

Just how did they choose their lives experiences and to pen them down; for everyone to read is just interesting. I mean, they know well which phase of their lives help them to unfold their lives for the better, and how to view the world.

If I was given a chance to tell a tale that actually changed my life; I wouldn't be confident on which phase that actually taught me how to view the world. Well, I myself am not sure whether how I view the world is the right one or otherwise- for the better.

So, what I'm fascinated about is how confident are they about their lives.

Can one be, at the first place?

Once, my friend was saying how safe I was about being myself. And she was telling me how she was not who I was, not secure of herself. Maybe that is/was why she's an experimental fiction-er. No harm done friend.

My point here is: Even if she had made that statement, I still am not convinced.

Well, one thing that I need to know is how do you know what your thoughts/actions etc are the right ones? From every aspects that matter to you. You know, the ones that need approvals from yourself and the people around you - parents, teachers, friends society etc. And if you're doing things for the sake of satisfying your wants, is it called selfish?

So, if you think you're confident on how you are, on what you do and on who you are; well good for you. But we're talking about way beyond the compliments and super outfits, hair-dos to boost your self-confidence/esteem here.

Cold morning, of birds chirpping and coffee.

Monday mornings have never been better
than this one.

The prodigal blogger.

Been wondering where the hell have I been?

I have been feeding my lecturers pages of craps for them to grade. Yes, finals and assignments. And now, I'm back. Helping myself on the bed feeding the world wide up to increase the entropy of the universe. Notice the scientific term; so now you can judge how hard have I studied.

Anyways, just to add spice up to the cliche, I'm sorry for the static you loyal readers had to experience. You don't really miss much of my thoughts, just some pressure due to study last minute habit and uh, that applies to assignments as well. But anyway, yes, jumpingjane kembali. Kini berada di awangan bersama jack.

***

I did notice it a few days ago. I was wondering have you guys noticed it yet. ITS BLOODY DECEMBER. Feel how fast time flies? I swear to God, 2 days ago last year, I just ended my biology paper, made my last steps in school as a student there and now, a whole set of students are over with their school years.

I mean, wei i'm not over school yet, and I'll be a sophomore the next term.

***

Dah for now, enjoy my average posts, the ones you would get everywhere.

I'm too exhausted to think. I thought hard for my final paper this afternoon, 4 BLOODY ESSAYS on RELIGIONS.

Selamat malam dunia.