Because #awkwardmoments are overrated,

#Thatawkwardmoment when instead of typing its, your butterfingers typed tits. And enter.

C'est la vie!

What's worse than complaining and blogging about girls and their serious discussion about make-ups?

Telling a friend about the serious discussion you had eavesdropped earlier and then she replied:

"Tapi I dulu pun macam tu".

K fine.

Pretty girls in make-up.

Maybe it is because I didn't really grow up in a proper girlish way. Or maybe it is just normal for people to converse seriously about it loudly on the bus or something.

But really?

I never knew how much coating of mascara can there be! To top it up different brushes and their different effects on your eye lashes. Or what wonders layers of foundation could be, and the vast range of it.

Or how they can spend hours at Boots around the make-up section so seriously. And their deep affections towards make-ups. Or how there's actually very little they need but it is just that they want so much.

And then they had got me thinking of consumerism and capitalism instead! Or how we should really invest on golds and silvers (not to sell them again on rainy days but you know) since the monetary system is screwed up, anyways.

I think now I understand when the boyfriend told me how he was 'observing' (eavesdropping more like it -_- takes one to know another, kan?) people who were discussing some new mainstream single hit so seriously.

Really?

Here I am trying to digest the relations between Anna Freud, not like I'm such a bore or anything but yeah.

I miss the days when life was narrowed to jeans, tee and a pair of good ol' Converse. My life has turned into long skirts and maxi dresses.

But really, do people ever talk about anything substantial anymore?

Since we're here, I might as well share this.

Who the fish is - ?

Music preferences.

:)

Psyched, not cooked.

Dulu, masa aku kemaruk nak belajar memasak, asal masuk dapur je mesti kena halau dengan mama. Sebab aku buat kerja bersepah. Dan mungkin aku tak reti memasak, so hanya akan melambatkan proses dia memasak. Basically, she likes to do it on her own.

Kemudian, bila aku tanya orang macam mana nak masak, rata-rata orang akan kata - secukup rasa. Eh hello, secukup rasa macam mana tu? Satu sudu ke, dua sudu ke, secubit ke apa ke. Gua tak reti lah, bro!

Tapi tu dulu. (Bukannya pandai masak dah pun, cuma boleh lah nak gemukkan diri sendiri)

Sekarang ni, mengikut pengiraan dan pertikaian aku, cooking is 1 part ingredients the other parts confidence. Confident je kau nak masak apa okay, lepas tu hias cantik-cantik. Reverse psychology, orang kata.

But then it hit me. Cooking is beyond the procedures of it.

I asked mama the other day on how to cook Laksa Johor (yer cita-cita tinggi, tapi tak ada bahan pun kat sini). After giving me a whole list of ingredients yang tak boleh dapat kat sini, at the end she said: "Baca je Bismillah, and cook it with love. InsyaAllah, sedap lah tu nanti".

And Freud said, "Psychoanalysis is in essence a cure through love". You don't need to be in therapy to see psychoanalytic thinking in progress. It's everywhere in life.

And even in Islam, you're urged to eat food to the purest of forms. I mean, genetically modified food is not good for your health anyways. What more with the whole issue of having emulsifiers with pork in it, Halal chicken made fat with animal proteins or even food containing alcohol (even to the tiniest bit).

In a family institution, ideally, we are to eat home-cooked food together at the dinner table. And it is at the dinner table where we converse to one another at the end of the day. Eating food cooked from the purest of forms with love by the mother and put on the table by the father. Nourishments for the souls, both parents and kids.

Think about it.

Even at the start of a family institution, we have two separate individuals who have gone through two separate childhood, growing environment and phases of lives. These two would have to adapt and assimilate to each others' taste buds developed through their respective households and childhood. Years later, the kids would attain that nuclear family's collective taste buds and would have to assimilate further in future. And so forth.

Macam nak masak soto ayam tapi ada banyak cara.

Point is?

Entah, daging yang aku main masak je tadi sedap lah jugak. Hehe

At war!

Swimming in the sea of psychoanalytic jargons. Redundant, I know.

I bet my followers on Twitter are sick of me tweeting about my love-hate relationship with Freud. Freud, Freud, Freud, Freud. And Freud.

I spoke to a good friend of mine, and the discussion on knowledge and Truth went on and on. We can only know as much as a drop of water in the mighty ocean. Yet, we strive for perfection in our academic papers.

We know perfection is not ours and that we can only know just as much. We attempt to practice and live up our lives to the Truth as urged and sent. But yet, it's like we have this little innate chip in us saying - perfect, perfect, perfect, perfect prefect.

And we came to the conclusion, kami salahkan sistem pendidikan negara.

What made me think I can do this MSc. again?

Header Baru

Mulanya suruh kawan buat kan caricature je,

tapi dia baik hati jadi header pulak.

Thank you, Emir Tarmizi!

(For more artworks by him click on his name!)

In tangent.

No one talks me back into perspective better other than you.

Thank you!

Kabut

Aku rasa, aku tahu apa masalah aku. Mungkin. Aku sendiri juga tidak pasti, tetapi aku boleh cuba kongsikan bersama kau tentang pertikaian dan debat yang sedang berlaku di dalam kepala aku.

Dia tanya apa yang sedang berlegar di dalam ruang minda aku. Aku katakan, aku okay, cuma debat yang biasa sahaja. Sebenarnya, aku sendiri tak tau nak jawab apa. Aku sendiri pun tak tahu jika ini perkara biasa atau tidak.

Jujur, aku penat sehingga kerja aku terbantut. Mungkin juga dengan sengaja. Siapa yang tahu? Kebenaran Mutlak, bukan milik kita. Kita bukan berada di dunia di mana objektiviti mutlak milik kita. Atau Kebenaran pragmatik serta subjektiviti. Menerusi subjektiviti, kita cuba mencari objektiviti. Tapi kalau kedua-dua ni dah bidang meluas seperti 7 lautan bercantum, apa benda lagi yang masuk akal?

Ke aku yang tak masuk akal?

Mungkin masalah aku adalah, kehidupan aku kini seperti tiada struktur. Atau ketidakmampuan aku untuk berfungsi secara autonomi. Sudah kebiasaan dengan adanya struktur. Kini, terlalu banyak ruang dan masa sehingga aku sudah menjelajah dunia berapa juta kali dalam kepala. Hakikatnya, di dunia komunal aku tidak bergerak walau satu inci pun.

Kalau dahulu, mungkin aku akan salahkan kekosongan. Kini, ruang kekosongan sudah dipenuhi. Kebenaran sudah cuba aku dekati.

Persoalannya sekarang ni, nak salahkan apa?

Fine. Maybe truth is, I'm ambivalent towards Freud's Ego. Siapa nak habiskan esei aku ni oi?

Apa yang baru?

Baru adalah aku yang masih berjelaga dengan rutin mental yang lama.

Tolong.

The other cheek.

Kalau kau tanyakan pada aku tahun lepas, pasti jawapan aku akan berbeza. Mungkin rakus dan masih berang darah muda ku. Tapi itu sebelum kini.

Kalau kau tanyakan aku perihal dunia pada hari ini, mungkin aku akan berpaling tadah. Tapi bukan kerana aku tidak endah dan tidak kisah. Cuma kurang impuls.

Entah, mungkin perspektif sudah berbeza.

Siapa aku untuk menegakkan keadilan bila aku hanya tahu segelintir tentang Kebenaran? Siapa aku untuk mempertikaikan dunia apabila mata aku masih buta? Siapa aku untuk mencari Kebebasan apabila jiwa aku masih terikat?

Atau mungkin, aku sedar someone will always know more. Or that ultimately, only One who knows Everything.

Jadi siapa kita untuk menilaikan sesuatu dengan kayu ukur apabila kita sendiri masih kekurangan?

Summer '69, not.

Das Ich.

Essay writing.

And my little orange Recesky courtesy of cinta hati, all the way from home.

Hee, I love!

Represent!

Okay, saja. Tengah baca Freud, Narcissus dalaman jadi dominan kejap.

Apa-apa hal, Represent! RUN USJ all the way from England.

Tiba-tiba rajin update, senyap lah.

Tazkiyah.

Ahlan Wa Sahlan Ya Ramadhan!

Tiba-tiba rasa tak patut upload gambar tangan tu. Happy purifying your souls, dear lovers and believers.