Failure trials of studying and sleeping,

"Isn't that what college is all about?
It's to challenge your beliefs."
Greek episode 13

Go figure folks.

Freedom, freedom!

Baby's little smile.


To my witty-cute-adorable-super noisy niece, Damia Wafa
God I miss you lah budak!

My cousin sister sent a MMS of her daughter's "artistic" drawing.
Pretty much for a 2 year old eh?

I replied, "Freedom of expression kak!"

Sejauh mana hak kebebasan anda untuk meluahkan ekspresi genuine yang meluak-luak di dalam dada anda?

Not so much really.

I mean, you could something so outrageous that make your neighbor chew his own head off or probably laugh like a friggin baboon with fleas up in his ass. Okay, maybe not.

You could even say something so completely absurd, but somehow make total sense to your neighbor.

I mean, hey, freedom of expression kan wei! Who cares what people think? You say it, if they don't like it, then we're not on the same page. Besides, their interpretation might differ. So who gives a fish.

The Perlembagaan stated something about not to say something "sensitive" (Religion, Hak Melayu etc etc.) Dude, FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION.

Tapi kan, kalau nak di bandingkan dengan the oh-so-great America, things are different I'm afraid.

But again, I'm not so sure about it lah kan, I just read it in this text book I'm suppose to study on it since tomorrow is the paper and all.

Anyways, the American constitution clearly stated on civil rights and the freedom of expression.

The only thing that's different is, here, we could recite doa early in the morning during the queue (okay, I'm not condemning okay, peace peace!) but there, NO BIBLE CITING in public schools.

I remember being in the line in school, following word by word the kid on the balcony reciting the doa.

So, I tak tau lah, maybe its to protect the good of us also. I mean, being so general about agama and all.

I grew up with gila straight thinking, maybe stereotype even, that Islam strictly restrict pergaulan bebas and such. And them, on the other hand, could do whatever they liked. Tak ada agama they say. Well sorry it might offend certain readers.

Anyway, I came to realize, that whoever set that stupid notion is growing up in the wrong idea man. Religions promote, respect. Which means, who cares what the other religion says, respect je ah oh, gila bodoh nak condemn. I swear they're retards.

The flaw here is, how come, there, bible reciting is strictly prohibited whereas here, doa recitals are well, acceptable? But both certainly carry the notion of freedom of expressions in their respective constitutions.

Know what? Maybe I'm just being half empty, I mean, if they could tolerate the doa recitals, there is a beauty in it right? Tolerance.

But on the other hand, what about equality?

SHIT I'm confusing myself again.



Kakak Lucey is right, I've to stop my rojak language.

Mr, Policeman, I can't sleep.

It's not every night you get to find Jane could not go to bed. Yes, I sleep early. Religious to me bed time. But it's already 3 in the morning. Another hour, I'd be playing Gwen's 4 in the morning song. Okay kidding.

I can't even read my text book. My mind dah terbang.

I was driving home the other day, in my mother's ride, that made me totally feel like a soccer mom.

The policeman was waving his arms like weed, signaling cars and trucks and motorcycles and buses to make their way. What a sight.

We have traffic lights to indicate our movements.

But yet, we get back to the root. The policeman. Mankind at its best.

Then I past him, on my way to pick my kid brother from school. Every time I passed by him, I smiled at him. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it was my way to say thank you, only he didn't see it. HAHA. Aku rasa bodoh lah pulak.

We have situations in life to indicate our life paths.

But yet, we get back to our molding ground. Think about what the pasts have taught you. We get back to the old days. The good old days. The bad ones even, they turn into good.

Changes.

Even the technological changes. Like the stupid traffic light that gives a major headache when you drive home during rush hours bring us back to the root, the policeman that waves his arms like weed.

So, where you're standing right now, I guess no matter how you do not want to look behind, I guess it would still be in you.

J.D Salinger, Holden Cauldfield, "Don't start telling someone something. Because when you do, you'd miss everybody."

Something like that lah, my Catcher in The Rye not with me. Jan-without-E. Baca habis cepat. Dah rindu buku tu.

Jan-with the-E on love.

Seriously, somebody has to shoot me.

I have been wanting to write a friggin' post on the matter love, since like, ages ago. Okay maybe not, last month. And April is going to end soon. Bodoh punya muse, datang lambat gila.

Anyway, all I've been wanting to say is that, the word love is getting over-rated by the second. Sumpah.

EVERYDAY conversations revolve around it, sometimes I think infatuation is love and love is infatuation. And so they say, love always win. And I guess, that is why people are dwelling upon the subject for this season.

And did I tell you my friggin case study and my friggin presentation was on love?

Dude, my presentation was on Romantic Relationship. How sloppy and how mushy was that? But they said I did good - because I was experienced. What kind of comment was that? I mean, hello? You don't need to be in it to be good at it. Okay, tarik balik - that was totally wrong. But I wasn't even inspired to say anything smart or intellectual for that matter. All I said was excerpts and examples from the so called love genius, William friggin Shakespeare.

My point here is, social science is sick. How can they make a theory out of a SACRED matter?

Fine. But I've to admit, agak genius lah jugak diorang ni sebenarnya.

And the case study? It was on gender differences in mate selection. And yes girls, guys can live without LOVE but WITH SEX. It's proven.

Okay, basically it was on what guys look in girls and vice versa. It was derived by the evolutionary theory, Darwin ah siapa lagi. And socio-cultural perspectives. The whole why men are somehow "higher" than women thing, from religious views and all.

Jan-without the E; "Kenapa perempuan selalu nak lelaki kaya blablabla?"

I blame Darwin dude. Okay, maybe if I blame him, I'd blame the force of nature. But you know why? THEY SAY, guys seek (I just realized I dah mumble about this matter in one of the last posts) features to cultivate their species. And thus, women would find for a figure that provides them security.

Thing is, I thought it was suppose to be all sugar - utopia, bliss, joy what not. Fine, it's such an IDEALISTIC imagination. Who cares? A girl can dream can she? Then again, gila fake.

They say, signals of attraction:
Physical proximity
Appearence
Similarity
Acceptance.

And how to fall in love:
Exposure
Love object
A state of arousal.

If someone cukup syarat, maka, dia telah jatuh cinta.

How far true is this?

You see, you watch movies yes, they infatuate, confess, smooch, and get to bed. And that's it. Then, the next thing you know, another love object appears, and the list goes on. Macam senang je nak fall in love kan? Well, that would be the passionate love. The one that only has the passion and intimacy component.

Companionate love: Commitments and Intimacy. Macam deep friendship lah.

Here comes the tricky part, consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment.

We're not talking about being only loyal. Its such a general word. We're talking about, making decisions together. Being committed to your exact words, (and I can't think of anything else) etc.
Being committed to each others lives - dreams, whatever lah kan.

But tell me, if its only Intimacy+Passion, how could it be call LOVE. I mean, well I see it as infatuation. You can't just jump into bed with someone just after knowing them for what, few days? Gila infatuation lah okay, I mean, its almost like I'm reading Romeo and Juliet again. How can winds change so fast?

Consummate love? You tell me dear, were all the commitments real? Were all of them fulfilled? Maybe I might sound a little bit selfish. And now, "What did I do?" You should know better. But you know, like I said, or the movie did, or perhaps the song did, love means letting go.

Passionate love? Can one be in a passionate love so fast?

Maybe, I'm just going round the bush again. It does not take science to figure all these things eh? It does not take rationale.

Follow your heart, leave the head alone.

I guess when you're ready to take that leap, you'd know. And when you fall, well, you could always stand again.

And he said; "Flocked Jane."

You decide.

I am Muslim, too!

Are you kidding me?
This book would distract me from my textbooks, hence, my finals!

Okay okay, belajar.