Diri ku.

"I've seen him fall down; he falls hard".
Lauren Conrad

I used to talk of being on the ground, and standing on two feet. Of oars of life that drown you beneath the water, asphyxiate you. Of strength that swim in your blood, making the ground way below you, while you are up there, flying.

When you strike a victory, make sure it is a beneficial one, the ones that would make you gain experience points, the ones that widen your mind and the ones that increase your humility. When you fall, you weep.

These are my pictures of the roads that you head in life. The ones that make you chase something. Something that is very brilliantly abstract. The kind that you thought you wanted it, and when you have it, its really not it. What is this something? Love, happiness? No no, this something is not as easy to grab. Not easy to search. This something makes you fall hard, swim, sweat and cry but yet, it remains just as something not the thing.

Maslow talked about a pyramid filled with needs of the humble beings. About stages we fulfill to operate and function. Stages of our lives that are almost abstract, and almost beyond reach. The ultimate stage apparently is; self-actualizing needs. The stage which has no roads linked to, the one that makes you find the hidden secret passage to reach the destination. Just like in video games.

Self-actualizing is the final stage where you gain eternal happiness other than the whole other-worldly and metaphysical scenes. Happiness on earth, happiness in life. It is the stage where you take what's there on the offer, where you don't run in the race anymore and where you really do not care who is there to win or lose.

When uttered; "self-actualizing" it reminds me the whole concept of nirvana, whereby one is free, not bound by any lust that might just disrupt your connection with God. It is very much far from where I stand, too foggy to even see. If you ask me, I don't think I would be able to reach that stage, I like most would probably just stop at the stage of: Esteem Needs. In order to reach the final stage, one should really know the self. The self, the only identity I have been questioning as early as I could even remember. Catalyzed by my idealistic views; that just hurry along with the notion of "Identity seeking personality" much like Maslow's "Self-actualizing". I swear, it is the most irritating question that has been waiting for an answer ever since I was in primary. Ya Allah.

Now let me ask you; do you know yourself?

If you do, really; tell me how.

And if you don't, then who should we blame; the education system?

The Self.

One Headlight.

"To fill the space,
the space you made for me."
Aqualung

The big question in life is: Are you going to win?

Sometimes I just wish that I'm running as fast as I can with all those people in the race. It would not bring issues up between me and people. Its just that I wonder their lives as well other than mine; maybe I should have not cross the line. Maybe at some point, they too wonder their lives off.

I stumbled across another heart with Marx's principle: Humans are created equal.

Dear heart, I'm learning.

Bercanda,

Really funny how my fellow Muslims pose in front of the cameras with their cans or bottles of Beer and being proud of it. Ah, the world isn't at the right place I reckon.

They have all just rationalized into a dead end.

The wonderings.

Forget about the saying I told you about how big your mind is. For tis, its going to be a very small one.

I never knew that blog skipping would be so much fun. Hah. It really fills my time, specially when I have class in an hour time. I came across a blog; fellow Malaysian of the same gender. Oh boy, is she one of the great blogger! I mean, she's a mother and she listens to all that Modest Mouse crap. And did I tell you that she has one of the great mind?

One thing i noticed about the "blogsphere" is that; they are in the professional lines. I mean, wow. Hebat gila okay. Then this path of wondering was carved right before my eyes, great just great. Would I still be part of the "blogsphere" and be in the professional line as well?

Lets face it; I am a growing mind with many dreams to catch-talk about greedy. I love writing, and you know just talk about all these absrud talks. And ever since I was 15, I wanted a job as one of the professionals. And to top it up; having a family.

I know its still early and stuff, since I just turned legal. But you know, you got to plot your life. Its just how things are suppose to be. So anyway, this wasn't meant to be a post- I was just filling holes of my time until the next class. And the time is here.

"Well thats; one thing we've got".
Breakfast at Tiffany's; Deep Blue Something.

Jumper.

One thing you should probably hate about me is that I am a bloody judgmental ass. Trust me; even my personality test says it. Don't say anything just yet, I do believe all these tests though to some extend it doesn't make any sense, but heck; it is my bloody major.

So anyway, I am judgmental and one little wrong impression; you might just not be in one of my good books (Not that you give a damn or anything). Don't blame me just yet; blame my Idealistic point of views. It says that an Idealist tend to seek that certain uniqueness in himself/herself or others. So yeah, there you go.

I was just blown by how stereotyping or my judgments for the record could just be the least reliable source of knowledge. I used to think that bimbos do not at any rate posses at least the slightest deepest thought. But who knew..

I came across the youth blogs. Ah, they took me by surprise and they held me at their writings. Beautiful thoughts, beautiful mind. You know, certainly not the average blogger kind of shit. That stuff kills me. So anyway, who knew all these party animal could have such deep thoughts.

But they failed to rationalize. Or perhaps they rationalized until the point where they found out that the ultimate source of knowledge; ethical values and such are not really the ultimate source of knowledge. You know, when they discovered that all those sacred religion books are just "classic literature" and remain as just that.

Maybe they are driven by their free-wills to lead life and never really want any Superior power or authority get in the way; being obstacles. After all, it is free will VS. determinism. Maybe, just maybe when you get to the point whereby you have filled your head with all the intellectual questions and answers; you would divert from the track.

Run, still in search of the truth in discreet. Holding to your beliefs.

Maybe one day, someone would rise and jumble it all for you again. Square one.


Selamat Berbuka Dear Loyal Muslim Readers.
Selamat Berbelanja at the Bazaar My Loyal Readers.

Kepala Kosong.

You are weirder than my neighbor's extra thumb.

Subjective-ism.

"We see things they'll never see,
You and I are going to live forever."
Oasis.

Slowly, we lose one by one of the insignificant. Hanyut. Really, it saddens me to see one by one of them are taken down slowly like a domino masterpiece in slow motion. As if its epidemic. Are we going to lose them all soon? Or are we going to lose ourselves too?

Losing. If you ask me, I myself am not sure what are they(we) losing ourselves(us) to. Its as if their soul or rather their "truth" has been sucked out by a huge vacuum.

I've lived by the day- watching one by one of my acquaintances being captivated by "the life". Punishing their souls to the beat.

I question myself, what is right and what is wrong? To me, it might seem wrong, but to others, it might just seem the damn right thing.

So is the way we lead our lives right?

For your interpretation to define.

Subjective, bloody subjective.
Aku tengah malas nak buat kerja dan belajara.
Oh, tolong lah beri pertolongan!

Pekikan masyarakat.

One thing about this hectic chaos is that;

they do the talking alright, but never the walking.

Maybe that is why most Malaysians suffer from obesity.

Ya Allah, kalau tak boleh jalan pun, merangkak lah.

Please somebody enlighten us; it is too subjective.

Fish eye.

I often get inspired and aspired; but it'll last only a moment. And when the moment of truth comes; it all shatter like the stars - distant yet dreamy.



Rel 120 Class:

• People who are caught up in their world; bitching about others.
• People who slumber their time.
• People who dig out interest from each other.
• People who flip pages.
• One who listens to Oasis, jotting this down on notes sheets.

.... And it gets louder every time.

Bingit.

Geniuses of shoe sizes.

Time haunts us from the back;

Chasing goals and strength of the insignificant.

Beyond the stars and the seas lies a truth;

Betraying words of wisdom of the life.

Headless geniuses count the seconds;

Portraying the most impairment.

Ah, it is here.

Carrying me above; flying high.

Makan dalam.

Places where we belong.

There's a famous saying that goes;

"Very great minds talk about ideas,
Great minds talk about events,
Small minds talk bout people,
And very small minds talk about self."

One of my course lecturer introduce the whole class to this true saying. I find it absolutely right. If you skip from blogs to blogs or perhaps just listen to the person talking to you; where would you place them? Where would you place you?


I need to read books, but I'm skipping from blog to blog. So forgive me dear educators.

Have you smiled at a stranger today?

Malam.

Bidadari pada malam hari.

Figura berterbangan di lelangit bilik.

Buah pemikiranku berdansa seiring kesepian malam.

Mata tak tunduk pada lelap,

dan sepi berjelaga sama si riuh.

Sendiri tak pernah berbisik sunyi,

walau kuat bagai berpesta.

Cukupkah diri ini untuk hari esok?

Atau keesokannya tak mecukupi?

Bekejaran semua umatNya sama waktu.

Berlari.



Duniya pada perspektif gelap.

Selamat malam duniya.

Absurd Tags.

ULES:
1. Put Your itunes, windows media player etc on Shuffle mode.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer-a song.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name

If someone says "is this okay?" you say,
Danish : OAG
(Fine with me.)

How would you describe yourself?
Like a Boy : Ciara
(At times when a bad hair day doesn't take over you.)

What do you like in a guy/girl?
Island of the Honest Man : Hot Hot Heat
(So they say; honesty is the best policy. Yourself; just yourself.)

How do you feel today?
Thinking About You : Norah Jones

(Yup. You, you and you. People.)

What is your life's purpose?
Over My Head (Cable Car) : The Fray
(Wishing people are strangers that I could disengage; wishing that I am at any rate normal than most.)

What is your motto?

Not Myself: John Mayer

(This is again the reason why I'm doing my major.)

What do your friends think of you?

Too Much : Spice Girls

(At times I'm just plain; too much?)

What do you think of your parents?
Hey Baby! : No Doubt
(NOT.)

What do you think about very often?
I Hate Everything About You : 3 Days Grace
(You being the fact about the world.)

What is 2 + 2?
Slob on my knob: Three Six Mafia
(SINCE WHEN I HAVE THIS SONG ON MY LAPTOP? I'M GONNA KILL MY BROTHER.)

What do you think of your best friend?
This Ain't A Scene, Its An Arms Race : F.O.B
(Oh for the other it is the scene; the other, not really an arm race, its the MIND!)

What do you think of the person you like?
Boom Boom Fire : Dr. Love ; Para Para Paradise.
(B, jom pergi main para para? )

What is your life story?
Sephia : Sheila on 7
(Its always the person left the other party. Bloody melodrama. )

What do you want to be when you grow up?
A Minor Incident : Badly Drawn Boy
(The loyal wife.)

What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Thank You for the Venom : MCR
(Definitely not an emo rocker.)

What will u dance to at ur wedding?
Penny Lane : The Beatles
(YES, BLOODY CLASSIC.)

What will they play at your funeral?
Dayang : OAG
(I would prefer a tahlil.)

What is your hobby/interest?
Just A Phase : Incubus
(Adapting to phases of life? Or Phases of life interest me?)

What is your biggest fear?
Fall To Pieces : Avril Lavigne

(Hell yes.)

What is your biggest secret?
If You're Not The One : Daniel Beddingfield

(It is a guilty pleasure; shut up.)

What do you think of your friends?
Suga Suga : Baby Bash; Frankie J
(We tend to be loud? Too much sugar?)

Ok end of absurd tags.

the youth of today.

Life; a big word for a little insignificant being. People often ask themselves what are their purpose of being here on earth. Again, these approaches to life are rather subjective. But the objective part of it is; the classifications. Some toil real hard for their goals - which at the end of the day, they would still wonder the use of their goals. Some just party their hearts out and call it; "living to life". The others, well just watch their lives go crashing down the drain.

The life of Malaysia after 50 years seem less and less civilized. Humanity as you can see seems to be declining in contradict with the booming development. My theory is this, the more and more civilization grows, the more humanity shrink. I was watching the national television last night for its glorious 50th Independence Night and it breaks my heart to see Naib Pengerusi of the UMNO Youth raise the flag.

It has been a long time since Tanah Melayu stand on its two feet. And thus, Tanah Melayu was freed on the 31st August 1957. But today, fifty years later, the youth of today are caught in their own world. And it breaks my heart to see them flooding Sunway Lagoon for the My Nation, Putrajaya for the Fireworks by Japan, or any other places merely for the fun but not for the patriotic spirit.

"Freedom of Speech". I usually come across people who talk the talk about this whole "Freedom of Speech" and how it is not exactly a freedom. The funny thing about this is, these fresh raw mentality of theirs seem to be caught in between the four walls, and just speak randomly without thinking. Like I've written in a few posts before how these people do not know how to lead their life in a proper manner or maybe the one that can't even finish up their college assignments are the ones wanting to teach the authority to lead the government. Isn't it ironic?

If they want a freedom of speech so much, maybe they should arrange their mentality first. And not merely speak words of raw meat.

I am not saying in any way I am not in the category of the youth of today. Heck, I will only be legally eighteen in a few moments from now. In any way, I might just be just like you. With guilt, I often question the authority, the lives of the politicians, the government and above all, the youth. Doesn't it sadden you to see a huge amount of us wasting away our lives? And hasn't it occur to you, how would the country, the nation, our folk traditions would be another 50 years from now?


I went to the petrol station on the Merdeka eve. There was this old man, maybe around his seventies was in his uniform, handing the door for the customers. This feeling of respect just overcome me. It is funny how the old ones that have more will, more strength to work their ass off rather than the youth of today. I have always been impressed with the old folks that walk around on their own in the streets of Subang Jaya. They still have their courage, their strength with them.
But where are all the kids gone to? They are not at the playground neither at the school. So where are they?

It is funny when the society always complain on this and that. And it is much more funny when people agree to it. Like I said, they only talk the talk, but never do the walking. It has already been fifty years, when are they going to start walking? Or at least crawl? Funny when they want more from something but never give anything in return. Isn't it should be a win-win situation?

Malaysia is nothing like any other Asian country. Tell me where else can you see people of many races in cars cursing in their own mother tongue? Or when you switch the radio on, you can hear from Bahasa, Tamil, Chinese and English? Or maybe just watching the TV from Astro Ria to Vaan to Wah Lai Toh? Where else can you experience the respect of every other religion? Or the Muslim paying his last respect to his Christian friend?

Maybe if you ought to live just one day before all these cultural adaptation and respect took place, you would learn to appreciate more of our cultural diversity than complaining about how the other races are like. There shouldn't be any races stereotypes either. We, the bangsa Malaysia, are one. And as one; we stick together, respect and feast!

" Berdoalah untuk semua, misterimu ku pohon,
agar tegur karisma, iman ku selamanya.
Ku mohon ke atas Mu, salahku selalu.
Dalam sadis, ku bernada; indah duniya seketika."

Danish; Old Automatic Garbage.

P/S: Dear loyal readers, I have decided to cancel my cbox; I don't see the good use of it anymore. But please do continue read my ever absurd thoughts. You have no idea how much I appreciate your wills.