Failure trials of studying and sleeping,

"Isn't that what college is all about?
It's to challenge your beliefs."
Greek episode 13

Go figure folks.

Freedom, freedom!

Baby's little smile.


To my witty-cute-adorable-super noisy niece, Damia Wafa
God I miss you lah budak!

My cousin sister sent a MMS of her daughter's "artistic" drawing.
Pretty much for a 2 year old eh?

I replied, "Freedom of expression kak!"

Sejauh mana hak kebebasan anda untuk meluahkan ekspresi genuine yang meluak-luak di dalam dada anda?

Not so much really.

I mean, you could something so outrageous that make your neighbor chew his own head off or probably laugh like a friggin baboon with fleas up in his ass. Okay, maybe not.

You could even say something so completely absurd, but somehow make total sense to your neighbor.

I mean, hey, freedom of expression kan wei! Who cares what people think? You say it, if they don't like it, then we're not on the same page. Besides, their interpretation might differ. So who gives a fish.

The Perlembagaan stated something about not to say something "sensitive" (Religion, Hak Melayu etc etc.) Dude, FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION.

Tapi kan, kalau nak di bandingkan dengan the oh-so-great America, things are different I'm afraid.

But again, I'm not so sure about it lah kan, I just read it in this text book I'm suppose to study on it since tomorrow is the paper and all.

Anyways, the American constitution clearly stated on civil rights and the freedom of expression.

The only thing that's different is, here, we could recite doa early in the morning during the queue (okay, I'm not condemning okay, peace peace!) but there, NO BIBLE CITING in public schools.

I remember being in the line in school, following word by word the kid on the balcony reciting the doa.

So, I tak tau lah, maybe its to protect the good of us also. I mean, being so general about agama and all.

I grew up with gila straight thinking, maybe stereotype even, that Islam strictly restrict pergaulan bebas and such. And them, on the other hand, could do whatever they liked. Tak ada agama they say. Well sorry it might offend certain readers.

Anyway, I came to realize, that whoever set that stupid notion is growing up in the wrong idea man. Religions promote, respect. Which means, who cares what the other religion says, respect je ah oh, gila bodoh nak condemn. I swear they're retards.

The flaw here is, how come, there, bible reciting is strictly prohibited whereas here, doa recitals are well, acceptable? But both certainly carry the notion of freedom of expressions in their respective constitutions.

Know what? Maybe I'm just being half empty, I mean, if they could tolerate the doa recitals, there is a beauty in it right? Tolerance.

But on the other hand, what about equality?

SHIT I'm confusing myself again.



Kakak Lucey is right, I've to stop my rojak language.

Mr, Policeman, I can't sleep.

It's not every night you get to find Jane could not go to bed. Yes, I sleep early. Religious to me bed time. But it's already 3 in the morning. Another hour, I'd be playing Gwen's 4 in the morning song. Okay kidding.

I can't even read my text book. My mind dah terbang.

I was driving home the other day, in my mother's ride, that made me totally feel like a soccer mom.

The policeman was waving his arms like weed, signaling cars and trucks and motorcycles and buses to make their way. What a sight.

We have traffic lights to indicate our movements.

But yet, we get back to the root. The policeman. Mankind at its best.

Then I past him, on my way to pick my kid brother from school. Every time I passed by him, I smiled at him. Don't ask me why. Perhaps it was my way to say thank you, only he didn't see it. HAHA. Aku rasa bodoh lah pulak.

We have situations in life to indicate our life paths.

But yet, we get back to our molding ground. Think about what the pasts have taught you. We get back to the old days. The good old days. The bad ones even, they turn into good.

Changes.

Even the technological changes. Like the stupid traffic light that gives a major headache when you drive home during rush hours bring us back to the root, the policeman that waves his arms like weed.

So, where you're standing right now, I guess no matter how you do not want to look behind, I guess it would still be in you.

J.D Salinger, Holden Cauldfield, "Don't start telling someone something. Because when you do, you'd miss everybody."

Something like that lah, my Catcher in The Rye not with me. Jan-without-E. Baca habis cepat. Dah rindu buku tu.

Jan-with the-E on love.

Seriously, somebody has to shoot me.

I have been wanting to write a friggin' post on the matter love, since like, ages ago. Okay maybe not, last month. And April is going to end soon. Bodoh punya muse, datang lambat gila.

Anyway, all I've been wanting to say is that, the word love is getting over-rated by the second. Sumpah.

EVERYDAY conversations revolve around it, sometimes I think infatuation is love and love is infatuation. And so they say, love always win. And I guess, that is why people are dwelling upon the subject for this season.

And did I tell you my friggin case study and my friggin presentation was on love?

Dude, my presentation was on Romantic Relationship. How sloppy and how mushy was that? But they said I did good - because I was experienced. What kind of comment was that? I mean, hello? You don't need to be in it to be good at it. Okay, tarik balik - that was totally wrong. But I wasn't even inspired to say anything smart or intellectual for that matter. All I said was excerpts and examples from the so called love genius, William friggin Shakespeare.

My point here is, social science is sick. How can they make a theory out of a SACRED matter?

Fine. But I've to admit, agak genius lah jugak diorang ni sebenarnya.

And the case study? It was on gender differences in mate selection. And yes girls, guys can live without LOVE but WITH SEX. It's proven.

Okay, basically it was on what guys look in girls and vice versa. It was derived by the evolutionary theory, Darwin ah siapa lagi. And socio-cultural perspectives. The whole why men are somehow "higher" than women thing, from religious views and all.

Jan-without the E; "Kenapa perempuan selalu nak lelaki kaya blablabla?"

I blame Darwin dude. Okay, maybe if I blame him, I'd blame the force of nature. But you know why? THEY SAY, guys seek (I just realized I dah mumble about this matter in one of the last posts) features to cultivate their species. And thus, women would find for a figure that provides them security.

Thing is, I thought it was suppose to be all sugar - utopia, bliss, joy what not. Fine, it's such an IDEALISTIC imagination. Who cares? A girl can dream can she? Then again, gila fake.

They say, signals of attraction:
Physical proximity
Appearence
Similarity
Acceptance.

And how to fall in love:
Exposure
Love object
A state of arousal.

If someone cukup syarat, maka, dia telah jatuh cinta.

How far true is this?

You see, you watch movies yes, they infatuate, confess, smooch, and get to bed. And that's it. Then, the next thing you know, another love object appears, and the list goes on. Macam senang je nak fall in love kan? Well, that would be the passionate love. The one that only has the passion and intimacy component.

Companionate love: Commitments and Intimacy. Macam deep friendship lah.

Here comes the tricky part, consummate love: Intimacy + Passion + Commitment.

We're not talking about being only loyal. Its such a general word. We're talking about, making decisions together. Being committed to your exact words, (and I can't think of anything else) etc.
Being committed to each others lives - dreams, whatever lah kan.

But tell me, if its only Intimacy+Passion, how could it be call LOVE. I mean, well I see it as infatuation. You can't just jump into bed with someone just after knowing them for what, few days? Gila infatuation lah okay, I mean, its almost like I'm reading Romeo and Juliet again. How can winds change so fast?

Consummate love? You tell me dear, were all the commitments real? Were all of them fulfilled? Maybe I might sound a little bit selfish. And now, "What did I do?" You should know better. But you know, like I said, or the movie did, or perhaps the song did, love means letting go.

Passionate love? Can one be in a passionate love so fast?

Maybe, I'm just going round the bush again. It does not take science to figure all these things eh? It does not take rationale.

Follow your heart, leave the head alone.

I guess when you're ready to take that leap, you'd know. And when you fall, well, you could always stand again.

And he said; "Flocked Jane."

You decide.

I am Muslim, too!

Are you kidding me?
This book would distract me from my textbooks, hence, my finals!

Okay okay, belajar.

The Boy least likely to,

"Be Gentle with Me,"
The boy least likely to.

Staring up into the solar system,
All the stars are fixed up in the sky.
I just want to sparkle for a moment
Before I just fizzle out and die.

I'm happy because I'm stupid.
Scared of spiders, scared of flying.
If I wasn't so happy,
I wouldn't be so scared of dying.

So just be gentle with me
(I'm not as young as I was)
And I'll be gentle with you
I'm not as brave as I thought
'Cause my heart gets broken so easily.
So just be gentle, be gentle with me.

Wide awake, waiting like a target
Listening for things I cannot see.
Insects flutter up against my window.
I don't like the way they look at me

i guess I've always needed
To be needed by someone.
It's a comforting feeling
Being under someone's thumb.

So just be gentle with me
(And if I am ever mean)
And I'll be gentle with you
I never mean to be mean
'Cause I want to pick peaches off of a cherry tree.
Just be gentle, be gentle, be gentle,
Be gentle with me.

So just be gentle with me
Trouble is sometimes
And I'll be gentle with you
I just can't switch myself off
When I want to so I never do
Because I'm mental, be gentle, be gentle,
Just be gentle, be gentle, be gentle
And I'll be gentle, be gentle, be gentle,be gentle with you.

Of my Creative Zen and comfie pillow.

I feel like inhaling packets of nicotine, which would definitely be out of my norm. And would without doubt make me feel sick, and put me right to bed.

But that's the point. It'll make me be on the bed. Listen to the music at a very slow volume, as if it signifies sadness.

I feel like throwing pebbles at the cars, with anger rage but really, it'll not get me anywhere.

I feel like snuggling in my warm blanket when this stupid ceiling fan feels too cold even during the day and there's nothing like the warmth shared with your trusty pillow.

Don't as mke why, because I can't find the link. I mean, I'm sure it is it. And I was confident that it is what's suppose to be. But then, why this?

Mari mari baring.

XY and XX.

Heterogeneous relationships.

When a boy meets girl. Or when a girl meets a boy. You see, the commonly used phrase is "when a boy meets girl". Why?

Why must the dominance or rather importance be the boy? I mean, okay I really don't mean it in the sense that I'm being feminist and all. Or neither am I want to change the whole men dominance and all. But you know, this thought just disturbs me.

Evolutionary theory. Darwin suggested all those natural selection and the survival of the fittest. As I have told you readers much earlier that I don't believe in this theory. And my first thought was, "Wei mamat ni sick and gila tak superstitious". I actually thought he was an Atheist or something. Maybe he was. So yeah the theory whether he was an Atheist or not remains unnoticed. Or rather, malas nak tau pun.

So anyway, what does this evolutionary theory has got anything to do with "When XX meets XY?"

Social science said, the men tend to get more attracted to "fertile" women. Physical attractions kinda bull. You know, to keep men's generation in line, the creme among the creme. They mate with the best women and produce good future generations. Just to keep their "qualities" in line. They call it, a good reproduction.

And women tend to get attracted by a dominant figure. The one that has great power, strength and such. From all aspects. Think emotional support not ballistic rage. Think putting food on the table.

And when you see a couple in the car, you'll in a way get a shock when the wife (girlfriend) is driving rather than the husband (boyfriend).

Or it is okay to have a housewife but it is "out-of-the-norm" to have a stay-at-home dad?

And is it important to have an authoritarian figure often vested in the man of a family?

When this "secure"dominant figure diminishes along with time, is the woman suppose to stay and take over the dominance regardless of the theory and the social norms? Or it is important to stick these?

Are all these theories innate in us human and they serve us as the Holy Koran, or the Torah or the Bible?

As far as social science try to make sense, it all comes back to how we approach it and you know, handle the whole situation. I mean, it is okay for the wife to drive and the man sits next to her.

Who really cares who is behind the damn wheel? Ideally, the responsibility is to be shared equally right.

And who cares who make the first move in a relationship? Whether its girl meets boy or boy meets girl.

Life in atomic figures.

They come they go,

Yes, finally they came to me. You know why? Because, girls get distracted by cute fuzzly stuff.

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.

Shut up, fine I'm a girl. But I just don't get it. I was at the library, and there's this green thing, apparently famous because of a movie, to me, I find the green annoying.

I wanted to post the picture up so that you can agree with me it's annoying. But uh, malas. So anyways, the girls went.. "Eee. So Cute!" Wait, just for the record I have nothing against this. I do that at times too. I just don't understand why.

Because when a guy goes.. "Eee. So Cute!" at a fuzzly wuzzly (how annoying is fuzzly wuzzly?) toy, he'll be labeled. Wow.

You know this thing, is actually that CJ-7 annoyingly green creature that is suppose to be a key-chain. Uh. And I not saw only one. But almost TEN freaking green lifeless creatures hanging from bags, tote, phones everywhere. DO YOU KNOW HOW BUGGED I AM?

And to top it up, a college mate's thumbdrive is actually the tongue of her "cute" annoying puppy. Yes, all I said was, "They come in different sizes now huh?"

OMG. How inconvenient to carry a bloody puppy keychain just because your stupid files are in the puppy's tongue?

Imagine you're at a printing shop to print your assignments and what not. And you see a puppy, sticking its tongue at a USB port. It'll just ruin my day man. I swear.
What is wrong with the world man!

And I sound nothing like a fool complaining about this.

Boo!

Red, Blue and White Stars.

Oh God, do you know how hard is it to let a topic choose you? Well thats what some people say, a topic always chooses the writer. But I'm done waiting. I've seen my counter rising day to day, God. These people must be angry, haha.

So anyway, nothing much really. Been doing all those researches for some Mock Debate we had, and it was on politics. Yeah, all the economy and all. And it was not you average daily paper politics where you can still see they writing articles on Malaysia's politics and all, I mean, like that's the only thing we've to worry. Oh wait, now my mind is protesting.

It was on America's politics, and I was the G* Republican.

And you know what? I came to realize, they're not as bad. Maybe a little from the national security aspect.

I mean, most of the people I stumbled upon here go all "Democrats" and all. It's as if, they're voting against George Bush only because he sent troops to Iraq and all. OKAY FINE. It is inhumane and all, but well, for the coming election, that does not mean McCain would do the same?

The donkeys and elephants platforms are opposing each other.

More like the republicans are very conservative and all. But I guess it's good for the people as well. Remember when I said about changes and how people often get uptight about it? It's kinda like the same, they just stick to traditions. And maybe in a way, not willing to take risks for a change.

They don't support stem-cell research and all that embryo cloning thing. They don't support homosexual marriages. I mean, yes, I know at some point they're all "we have our own freedom of speech, freedom of religion" thing going on. And when they commit homosexual marriages, meaning, they don't believe in God.

So I guess in a way, Democrats is a very "up-to-date" party in a way that they support homosexual marriages. Higher taxes for people which really contradicts the Republicans' platform.

Generally, I think Republican is a stereotyped party. And Democrat, looks creamy on the outside.

But who cares about politics anyway? I know I don't - but don't sue me for this post. I'm really going through some "topic" crisis here.

And we lost anyway.