Catching up with the fast lane.

"I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own," SP.

A couple of days ago have been such joyful days. Yes, of course it is good. I'm in love with life. Life loves me, although subtly. But it does not matter, because I'm living life. Embracing life. Whatever that comes along the way, Alhamdulillah, I can still absorb and adapt to the subsequent events of life.

But that's just the problem.

I'm living a little too loud, leaving this poor conscience of mine tired. I'm catching up with the fast lane. It is not a bad thing or anything, but sometimes, when I heard the words that have been uttered out of my mouth, well, it caught me by surprise.

I am catching up with the f* fast lane.

It comes along with juicy gossips and all the bitching. Well, bitching sounds awfully harsh, it's not like I WANT to, but uh, I guess I got caught. Like, 'Oh look at her hair' or 'Omg what is she wearing?' or 'Omg I should dress up like a phony for halloween' and a couple more of 'OMG THIS' and 'OMG THAT'.

I remember when I was 16 I got really annoyed when a girl from my past bitch about people. I would always think that she thinks she's so perfect. You know, for her to comment such judgments towards the girls around her. I mean, yeah. Tengok diri sendiri dulu lah kan?

Just because the other party has a wardrobe malfunction (to your eyes, not hers and maybe not others), does not mean you're much more superior than the person. You see how subjectivity could do us harm?

I'm living too loud. I hate catching up with the fast lane a little too fast.

Fast paced daily routines tire me. You're at one place in the morning, and you're at a different place in the afternoon, and the next thing you know, you're out of your comfort zone. Driving along a stranger's street. These streets, they're not mine, they're yours.

I inhale deeply, sat and look around. We are all lucky. Think of the people who are not even capable to even set a foot on these grounds. Think of the people who can't even taste this delicious RM 1 vanilla ice-cream, or this RM4.90 Daim Cake, or even RM1.50 free flow soft drink.

We are lucky, to even drive all the way here just to take a stroll along these pseudo living rooms. Let your fingers slid different materials of cloth, pretty designs of all the little things. We are lucky.

But yet, here I am. Wishing to be wealthy one day, just so I can furnish my house the way I want it just to make it look classy, pretty and all that are similar. Here I am, trying to work my ass off so that I could own a nice modern home, a nice car, pretty expensive clothes. Here I am, knowing well that this is my passion but yet having that little innate urge to earn that luxurious living.

Here I am, trying to be thankful, wishing that I have a magic wand so that the world is brighter for the unfortunates. Although I know well that even if they appear unfortunate to us, but to the very least they are happy, content and thankful. And yet here I am, secretly still wanting all of the above.

So here we are.